Loneliness

Being truly alone during one of the most stressful periods of my life so far Is not fun. Not only has being alone caused me to fall back into very sever depression, but it also means i can't go to anyone once that gets bad. Yesterday i had a sever panic attack cos my mom screamed a lot of ugly stuff at me for saying studying was boring, and it triggered something i won't go into here. I started hyperventilating and couldn't breath, and i didn't go to anyone cos i had no one to go to. it was the most horrible feeling. I felt like i just wanted to disappear. 

I recently broke up with someone, and they managed to convince me they were all i ever needed. they pretended they liked taking care of me, and cos of that i didn't have a support network outside of them. now i'm feeling that hit me like a bus, and i'm scrambling to try make and connect with friends but, it feels like i'm failing cos theres no one i can go to when things get very bad. I guess thats why i'm here