Me
I have friends and family who care about me. I'm pursuing a good degree, and even though it's hard, I know I can handle it. I see the grace in things; I imagine beautiful futures where I'd be happy. But, I don't know, despite the good things, I can't find a good reason to endure the pain I feel. I try to improve or find the why, but it doesn't help, it just makes me cry more. This is tiring, and I know I'll keep trying because I want to be able to feel at least peace, something outside of this, something better. And then there's that feeling that this will never go away and I'll always feel this pressure in my chest.
@tealHouse2529
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time.
I think the struggle is we foresee a good or happy future....each day that seems farther and farther away or time is going so slow a sort of " are we there yet" feeling. or worse yet tell ourselves we have good things going for us and we should be happy ..... according to who?
Many people who have great things going for them... but are sad and miserable .....and those who seem to have nothing are OK ... why? who knows but i think it is attitude .... live for today..... not waiting for someday.... take the small happy each day not thinking it will accumulate until someday arrives...
You're right, but not everyone knows these things. My family thinks I should be okay. I can't say I feel bad without being reminded that there are people in worse situations and that I should be okay.
It's not that I spend every second of the day feeling miserable. I function all day long, but there are those moments at night when I don't understand why I'm trying so hard. It doesn't matter if it's a good day or a bad day. That feeling always appears, and I can't see the good in it.
I know it's not like I'm going to magically feel happy one day, that it doesn't work that way. I just want to feel a little peace, even if it's just a little bit.
Totally relatable. This is the first time I actually see someone speaking about the same feelings and thoughts that I go through and think they are not as important when others are going through other struggles, what I call “real” struggles. As if our late night cries and the pain we feel is not worthy of attention, healing and love.
To know that you have good things, but not be able to “feel them”. To feel lost in the midst of everything. To doubt if you’ll ever push yourself to get to be in that beautiful future.
You see the potential in life, but you don’t know if you’ll use that potential to be where you want to be.
Life keeps going, but so does our minds.
But I think it’s valid right? Our emotions and thoughts deserve to be looked at beautifully and loved.
They must be driven by something. And if there’s a starting point, then there must be an ending point for this pain. A point that maybe paves the way for a better future.
Exactly, but it's so exhausting to think about it, wondering when that point of improvement will begin. I've been told that you have to hit rock bottom first to get better, and it terrifies me not knowing if that's over yet. If it hasn't, I don't want to get any worse to get better. It's strange.
It's true that our emotions deserve validation, because even in pain there's something so real and deep that I don't know if it's good, but it's just something, and sometimes that's enough.