Middle aged, gay and lonely.
I have this recurring feeling, when my depressive phases come over me, that after 45 years on this earth, I'm destined to be the guy who helps other gay men be happy with themselves and then gets left alone.
It seems to happen again and again.
Thanks. I appreciate the sentiment.
@Jimbobbedyjobob Relationships can be difficult, and there's no way of knowing at the start the way in which they might end, but I hope someday you'll find a compassionate partner who treats you with respect and uplifts you the way you do for them. I've had my fair share of difficulties with my partner, but at the end of the day he sees how hard I try and he's very patient with me. I hope someday you can have a partner who gives back just as much energy as they receive from you.
Yeah.
Two people have told me they loved me as a partner in my life.
Luckier than some, I guess.
I just feel like a fool because I feel I see the daily beauty in a person, offer them my heart. They say thanks and walk away.
@Jimbobbedyjobob You shouldn't feel guilty or foolish over loving someone. It's a great thing that you can see the good in your partner, even if they don't reciprocate. It means that you're a very loving person. Unfortunately for you, when the person that you're giving your love to doesn't feel the same way it can be very painful. You shouldn't blame yourself or give up on love though. It's easy after getting hurt like this many times to become closed-off or bitter, but I hope someday a partner will arrive in your life that allows you to open up again and fully be yourself, give them all of your love and get it back in return. Sometimes it's just about finding the right person, as hard as it might be. <3
Yes, I know.
But in Gayland it's like Womanland, you are less and less desirable with age.
Unless you're on meth and/or steroids.
@Jimbobbedyjobob From my experience as a gay person, I've found that people who care too strongly about the stereotypical idea of attractiveness associated with youth might be a bit shallow in other areas and might lack the emotional depth it sounds like you desire in a relationship. The type of person who will fully love you for who you are won't care about your age, or might love you because of the wealth of experiences that make you who you are. It's a difficult thing in gay communities for sure, because there is a lot of culture surrounding the ideas of youth and conventional attractiveness, but there is plenty of love to be found if you have an open mind. I found my partner through meeting him online, and we were friends for a long time before we started dating. Maybe seeking out friendships where you can build up the emotional support might be a good idea.
I am trying.
I changed my life hugely five years ago.
I left Berlin, where I'd lived for ten years and had a five year relationship.
The PLAN was to move to the countryside elsewhere in Europe, buy a derelict place with my partner etc etc.
But he decided that he didn't want that.
So, now I'm here alone.
I have found a local queer chat meetUp. But it's almost am hour's drive each way and I just can't get there every week.
@Jimbobbedyjobob That sounds very difficult. I've had two six-year relationships that both ended very poorly, so I can understand what that's like, to put all of your hopes and dreams for the future into it and then have nothing to show in the end. The meetup sounds like a good idea on the rare times you're able to make it there, but I would recommend looking for other communities that you can engage with online to help you feel less lonely on the day-to-day. *** community servers or online forums can be great resources for creating lasting friendships when you're lonely. This is a bit more niche, but also watching smaller livestreamers on platforms like Twitch can help alleviate loneliness, and many of them have communities that you can join even when they're offline. That's how I met my partner.
Yeah.
I met both my exes online.
Maybe I'll give Twitch a go.
I've never been one for watching streamers but hey, I can give it a go.