Mom, I've been getting worse recently
I don't really know where to start but my school situation is kinda messy. I am individually educated which means for me that I don't have to go to school but I have to write my tests and assignments and stuff. But it's difficult because we have to contact every single of my teachers and they give me my assignments and a date for my next test but they don't have to thankfully they're all pretty cooperative. And I got tutors for physics, my language, and Spanish so on top of all my regular schoolwork I have work from the tutors and then there's my mom I love her but she just doesn't get it at all. Get what? That I'm already burnt out and the school year just started. That my depression is getting worse and worse every day. Also that I'm struggling with sh and a lot of si. She never asks me if I have thoughts of hurting myself and I've been diagnosed with depression for over a year + she's a doctor she gets people who actually attempted to take their life. But it's mainly my fault because I never told anyone how bad it's getting not my family not my therapist or psychiatrist. I'm even scared to call the hotline. Everytime I think about telling somebody I just hear my mom saying "maybe if you weren't on that phone that much you'd be healthy" it breaks my heart because when I'm on my phone it's the only time I laugh and feel normal again. I'm scared I don't know what to do.
Also I just realized this post doesn't make sense in many places I also forgot to add a lot of things and it's pretty long
Sh stands for self harm and si stands for suicidal ideation if anyone's wondering
If you see this reply please you don't have to but I value your advice opinions and your own experiences ❤️
@Julieo0o0
I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed.
You have alot to get through and it can be stressful and pressurising.
And your mam doesn't get the fact that it's pushing you further into depression.
It's important to break things down into small and manageable tasks daily that allows you to get assignments done.
And take breaks, enjoy time on your phone and then get back to your work, but getting things done, boosts your confidence.
I wish you the best, all you can do is your best 💜💕
Thank you so much ❤️
@Julieo0o0
A pleasure 💜
@Julieo0o0
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's really really hard to share these things with people closest to us for lot's of reasons. That's not a fault.... it's just like that a lot.
Your mom..... and you, sound like very responsible, loving people. No matter our age, we get tunnel vision with our own lives and trials. It's not selfishness or lack of of love for others. It's basically, problem solving. We have a problem and we try to solve it.... another problem arises and we try to solve that one.... and before we know it, we and those we love, have tunnel vision.
Maybe you both need an icebreaker. Like a dinner out together, Maybe ask for special time and a hug. It's OK to struggle and maybe you can't fix the struggle fast, but you can ask someone to hold you close, knowing you're struggling without an immediate answer or solution.
Perhaps your Mom can't fix it, but maybe, you should share it with her anyway. Try to break the tunnel vision by suggesting some activity together with the exact purpose of being reminded that things are hard but take a couple hours to break the bad thinking.
Let your mom know what's going on. Let her know, it won't be easily fixed. Ask her if she has the time just to be there, with understanding, even witout solutions.... Those will come eventually.
I'm glad you came here to talk. I hope something I said helps. You are just going through a very hard time right now and it seems impossible. It's not! It will get better. 🤗
@Julieo0o0
Hi Julie! I can completely relate to you here. I am currently in my last year of college and my mental health has been the absolute worst it has ever been. I am so private about sharing things about my mental health because I am scared of being seen as weak. I recently reached out to my mom about things because of how hopeless I was feeling, and she didn't quite understand which makes me feel even worse.
I am so proud of you for coming on here and sharing this with us. We are here for you and I hope things get better soon! 💞
