My life story
So let me tell you about why I think I am depressed. So in 2019 the friends I thought were family left me. As a result I developed fear of abanonment. I was always a quite intoverted kid so losing the people I really loved teared me apart. I went to uni the same year and basically isolated myself for 2 whole years. Sitting in my room, looking at the ceiling, binge eating and gaining tons of weight. This made it worse, I felt useless, unworthy, unlovable. Until 2022, I lost some weight started talking to my course mates and actually felt better for a semester until they graduated and I didnt. But luckily I met another friend, she was patient with me. I would post whatsapp status about how I feel alone and have no one and she would be angry and tell me to stop. I ruminate a lot, I leave in my dreams. Now in 2025 she left me because I was toxic and I feel so lost now, I want to change. I have gained all weight plus more and dont leave the house, I am unemployed and dread looking for a job. I also developed a sexual addiction in 2019 which I am still battling.
@humorousNectarine9051
Yes, it does sound like you are depressed. I am sorry that you have experienced such loss. As an introvert, it can be very hard to connect with others and to maintain that connection.
I am very introverted as well. I also had abandonment issues, until I became more or less emotionally numb to them. I became pretty good at being a loner. My family moved a lot, which resulted in me attending 13 schools in nine years, at which point I dropped out, then enrolled in night classes.
I was an emotional eater and overweight for most of my early years. Following that, I began yo-yo dieting, gaining and losing over 100 pounds at a time. Then about 15 years ago, I lost the weight and kept it off. 32 inch pants fit loosely. I also have some size 30 pants that fit well.
I won't make diet recommendations, but I will say that it is possible to reach and maintain an ideal weight. It's best if it's your chosen ideal weight, rather than going by other people's opinions. The best place to start is by realizing that you are okay, just as you are. Self acceptance is empowering, and it helps to reveal the inner resources necessary to make life style changes that result in an ideal body weight.
However, if you do not lose weight, or even gain more, you are still worthy and lovable. Some of the most lovable people on the planet have body shapes that do not need the "breed standard."
I have read and truly believe that negative self talk programs the subconscious to work towards those negative expectations. So, the conscious mind may say "I'm going to lose weight," while the subconscious will say "no, you certainly are not." Therefore, be nice to yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat others
Not only do you seem depressed, but your dread regarding looking for work, and your fear of abandonment, suggests that you are also dealing with anxiety. Do you have access to therapy? I think it could really help you.
I've had very long term depression. I did receive some therapy, and was also given medication. Medication helped, but the dark cloud didn't lift fully until I started exercising. I have arthritis, so the exercise mostly takes the form of brisk walking. Our neighborhood has quite a few hills, so even though it's walking, it's pretty aerobic.
I can't imagine that you are toxic, but depression and anxiety, along with probable insecurity, could have made you difficult to be around.
While having multiple challenges/issues to deal with, it's best to focus on one thing at a time. The thing to focus on may be a particular habit you wish to overcome, or something about organizing your life. Even small successes can help build confidence. I will say, repairing my self-esteem made the rest of the issues I was facing feel much more doable, and in fact, they were.
Regarding the addiction, it may be another reason to talk to a therapist. I also suspect that when other parts of your life are more fulfilling, the addiction may diminish.
Wishing you the best, and feel free to write back.
Thanks for posting this. This helped me too! Very good wisdom there!
Thank you for replying. I believe the best start for me is to delete *** and *** as these apps fuel my negative feelings, I have been reading self improvement books for 2 months now to find the best method for me. I also found a hobby of learning french, though frustrating at times it does help fill the time. The mindless eating is till there.
I am working on self acceptence and responsibility at the moment. I have list weight before and gained it back and I know that I have to change my livestyle to keep it off. Unfortunately therapists are expensive where I live and free ones really suck so I have to face this myself for now.