Need advice
I wasn’t sure exactly where to post this… but I need advice on a complicated situation. TW for sensitive topics (sexual assault / self harm)
I’m having a hard time and I really want to forgive my ex. But the things he’s done are unforgivable. And still I feel bad. Like I’m a bad person.
he is 18 turning 19 already graduated and I’m 16. My parents were understandably not supportive of our relationship. Many people around me say he took advantage of me and “groomed” me.
When we dated, he sexually assaulted me. He used my previous sexual assault trauma against me in a way. There was never a time I wasn’t screaming and crying. He hit me and bruised me. And there was never any aftercare. In some ways I found this comforting as it was what I was familiar with. It’s all I’ve known. For the longest time I thought that was love. In some ways I miss it.
he eventually cheated on me. And went to military training. I sent him letters and pictures and talked to him when I could. While he was away he encouraged me to relapse on self harm. Because he wanted me to hurt myself since he couldn’t.
Part of me just feels bad. Even though he did the things he did to me, he was still my best friend in a way. He understood me better than anyone. And yes he used that against me eventually. I just don’t know what to do. I feel guilty. He is coming home sometime this month and will likely try to contact me again. And will possibly come back to my work. I’m so nervous.
ive since dated another guy, the relationship only lasted two months, since things didn’t work out. But when I dated him, it didn’t feel like love. He wouldn’t hurt me. I only feel love when I’m being hurt. I’m scared I’ll never be normal. I’ll never have a normal relationship.
I don't want to be too judgemental but please - take your time to grow up for these things. You cannot expect good attitude from everybody you think you love. Even if you are the nicest person on the planet, don't think that the others will act the same way to you.
Next, don't you ever let anybody take advantage of you. You think he will change because of love? The stories about bad boys are nothing like that in the real life. If you don't love yourself, if you don't love your own body, if you let it be because you don't want to be alone… You disrespect yourself.
You don't need a boyfriend. You need friends, like normal people who shares your interests. It is difficult for some people. Years ago I couldn't make friends in person but only online. And they still helped me to go through my worst days.
Finally, I hope I didn't insult you, I am just trying to tell you that you're worth it. Even if you are alone for some time with no boyfriend at all, you will not break. You are stronger than you think!
