Please help.
Idk where to start. But I think I can’t continue. I’m really on the verge of ending it and I can’t even find a reason that’s holding me back.
Every time my life gets a little better, I know that it doesn't last long and after it's gonna be even worse.
Lately, that is the case. I've been dealing with bad depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts again, and it's not getting better... Even tho I have everything I could ever want I really feel my worst.
I can't even get help, my parents don't allow therapy and get very mad if I talk to them about how bad I feel, they really block it off.
Im not sure why I feel like this, I just know that if it doesn’t get better soon I can’t continue. I don’t have the energy to keep going.
Please anyone, tell me what to do. I can’t tell any adult, there’s no one I trust or no one I’m close to, neither am I close enough to any of my friends.
Thanks to anyone reading this and to anyone that might help.
@Justnotleooo
Bro, do you have anything pleasant in your life? Or ever had?
Yeah I do, I have more than most people do, I get most of the things I want. Just no emotional support in any way, I am also not very close to my parents emotionally and never have been. Sure many bad things happened to me before, but I still have a life many ppl probably dream of.
@Justnotleooo
I don't mean material things so much as non-material things. For example, you have a secret box where you keep your secrets, candy wrappers, coins, or the feeling of waking up and the sun shining on your face and you wincing pleasantly. Something like that.
No, nothing like that.
@Justnotleooo
Sure? Just think well, there must be.
I can’t really think of anything no
@Justnotleooo
Wow.
So ok. You are telling about that you have life most could dream of. Do you enjoy your material surroundings?
Hm, I guess. Tho also do I not really have interest in anything, so then again it wouldn’t bother me much if I didn’t have them, even if that probably sounds pretty ungreatful.. I mean It’s nice that u have all that stuff, but it doesn’t heal me in the slightest way.
@Justnotleooo
Is there anything you enjoy?
Hmm, not really. I do some stuff out of boredom but I don’t really feel anything while doing it, no happiness or anything, so I’m not sure if I’m enjoying it.
@Justnotleooo
What stuff?
And what you dream of? It could be anything even something unreal for the first sight
I draw sometimes, like when I’m in class.
I don’t really have a dream. Only maybe to feel okay again but nothing else really
@Justnotleooo
Nice dream, develop it in your mind
Drawing is a stright path to you unconciousness. Draw what you only can, if so you can find some answers to youe questions, and if you give some full freedom to your mind you may get relief
How do I develop it?
Most of the time I only draw horses, it’s the only thing I can really draw, sometimes I also draw stuff that other people want me to draw like flowers or other animals, tho I’m not as good at it. I don’t know, I don’t even know why I’m doing it.
@Justnotleooo
How do I develop it?
Try to stay calm, you may close your eyes and imagine what is feel good in your imagination, what you what to feel/sense being happy
"I don’t even know why I’m doing it." As i said it's from unconsciousness, you can understand it but you can connect with it thtrough you drawings. Just feel free and do it, you aare very lucky you have that skill.
@RedOceanSun
*cannot
I don’t know what it’s like to feel happy anymore, I can’t imagine it..
Thank you, I might try to continue it then.
@Justnotleooo
Do you think it’s emotional starvation?
I hear you don’t think of the feeling of sun on your face. Could you try it? Check how it feels? Do you think you would like sharing something your feelings with someone? About the sun or anything? What does it feel like to think that someone could know and care how you feel?
Have you tried talking with listeners on 7 cups. Not everyone might fit you but in few tries you might find someone to talk…
Im not sure..
I’m outside sometimes, but I never rlly thought abt how the sun felt, I don’t like too hot weather, or too cold weather. I guess talking would be nice.. I don’t really know how the listener system on here works tho..
@Justnotleooo
Not exactlly about sun, you may stare at stars or listen to a river, open yor mind bro :)
I don’t know.. I’m not outside often.. I don’t think I can think like that.. I don’t think I can think anything nice at this point.
What if you feel it?
That would be nice, but I haven’t in a very long time.
@Justnotleooo
I don't believe you haven't expirienced smth like that. Just be calm and try to recall. It can be anythting we don't know of but ther it is for sure
I think it’s possible. If you don’t give yourself a permission to feel. If you are conditioned to think of practical aspects. If your feelings tend to be treated as problematic…
But it’s possible to to consciously try and see
@pinkCherry1616
Yes, you're right for sure. That's basically what I'm talking about, but I'll correct myself: he's probably experienced something similar many times in his life, but his state of consciousness is such that it's impossible to recall anything positive. An endless black dot. By remembering something good, we plant the first seeds for expanding this dot into a bright space.
You can try a random person by entering the chat queue. Or you can browse listeners via their bio and pick someone. The browsing might be more intentional but the might not be available right away.
I would really wanna hear from you about the sun here. This world is pretty ignorant about gentle feelings like this. For some people those are needed to feel alive. If your environment is average practical attitude then you might not even know what you need there and that it’s ok.
Okay, I might try that, thank you very much.
Hm, the only thing I can say about sunlight is that i got an sun allergy xD yeah, might be true that I don’t know what I need..
@Justnotleooo The thing is that you will be the only one who might really know. We got the idea of you trying to see your response to nature beauty or gentle music. It’s because it sounds like your feelings get dismissed. So maybe this is where you are starving. But at the end you would know best.
Yes, you might feel you have no idea. But you probably didn’t listen to yourself too deeply. It might need patience and revisiting. But asking yourself what do you need and want can find its answers piece by piece
@pinkCherry1616
Yes, sharing is important, a good tip
@Justnotleooo hey, no 💙 please don't give up
Life is really *** y, there's no denying that 💙 but please stay
Come talk to me? I lost a dear friend to suicide this week, would do anything not to lose anyone else 💙 and if things get really bad, keep 7cups.com/crisis in mind- just in case 💙
I really really hope things get easier from here 💙
I know it would take guts but you could talk to a school counsellor or nurse. We need to relate to people you have been accidentally isolated. The I don’t want to be here emotion is saying you don’t like the situation. If you read about how people need to relate you will understand your reaction is natural.
Sometimes there are different things causing the i don’t want to be here emotion if you deal with some it might lessen.
I know it would take guts but you could talk to a school counsellor or nurse. We need to relate to people you have been accidentally isolated. The I don’t want to be here emotion is saying you don’t like the situation. If you read about how people need to relate you will understand your reaction is natural.
Sometimes there are different things causing the i don’t want to be here emotion if you deal with some it might lessen.
Hii
I'm soo sorry you're going through this and honestly no one should ever have to deal with this. I totally understand having parents who you can't talk to or having anyone to share what you're going through. And even I joined this space to talk about what I'm going through. Sometimes things like this feels overwhelming. A time like this, you should be given proper care and love.. and I truly hope things get better..
Sending loves and kisses ❤️❤️
Hey dont jst say u wanna end ur life ik u dont wanna share wht ur going through but u can feel free and dont think ur alone in this feel same whenver i feel happy ik it wont last long i js had a real ugly breakup too i dont have frnds and ya im free to help u tell me wht ur going through i think we have similar patterns i dont have interest for anything too my parents js ignore the fact i have depression and said wht i have it for i think feeling loved is a taboo in this house 😂 and i can see myself in u tell me wht ur going through
