Ran out of meds for depression...

((TRIGGER WARNING: prescribed medication & drugs))

I recently ran out of prescribed SSRI medication to assist with my depression & anxiety, and now I am unable to get a refill until I see my doctor (which will be sometime next week) however...I am thinking of going back to smoking MJ (through a dry herb vape pen, as that is "healthier" or "easier" on the lungs) or consuming edibles (this is legal in the country I reside in, apologies if this goes against forum rules, please delete post if it is).

MJ has helped me with my chronic pain and mental health issues... Ever since I quit 140+ days and have been prescribed SSRIs as well as pain medication, I haven't been feeling well... The doctor's medication hasn't really been working out...I just feel numb emotionally and the pain medication isn't working, I still feel pain in my back, as well as sharp pain in my chest/ribs. I have became more sedentary due to the fear of the sharp pain...every time I go on short walks or even do something as simple as doing a deep clean on my house, i feel sharp chest pain and feel like passing out. It's just been getting bad... We've tried different methods, but it's not working.

My chronic pain is just making my depression and anxiety worse tbh...I think solving the physical issues might help at least a little bit with the mental ones. Maybe not my PTSD, but it might help with my depression and anxiety. I'm thinking of purchasing a medical card to get medical MJ for a lower price to help with the pain. I'm tired of feeling this way. I miss being able to work, without worrying about pain or being bedridden. My depression feels worse knowing I am incapable of doing the things I used to in the past... I was a weightlifter and was fairly healthy back then, and now I'm underweight and unhealthy...no appetite and a lot of pain...Even when I weightlifted, I still had depression, but at least I felt healthy + strong despite the depression. Now? I feel I have nothing going for me... 

I'll definitely talk to my doctor again about trying a different method. I will also talk to them about MJ usage and to get their (honest) opinion on that as well. I quit both alcohol and MJ because I didn't want to rely on anything in order to NOT feel pain but...I guess I have to. I mean, I'm already relying on medication anyways....Also, I am NEVER going back to alcohol...However, I have been thinking of going back to MJ, as it is a natural herb/medicine, and have been reading different studies on the pros & cons on it....Though, I may be biased(a lot of regular people in my area have VERY POSITIVE views on it, but it's still technically a drug)...so it's better that I talk to a doctor about the usage.

Are any of you on prescribed medication from your doctor? Did you quit using it? What kind of withdraws did you experience? ((NOTE: I am NOT advocating FOR or AGAINST medication, please talk to your health provider to see what's best for you, do not take my word for it.))
I have stopped my meds before for a short while -- due to not having transportation and...the side effects were AWFUL. I had many intrusive thoughts and wished I did not exist. It was tough. I had to keep fighting these thoughts back by reminding myself of my goals, reminding myself that these thoughts are happening because I am currently off my meds, and remind myself that my son needs me, so I will not act impulsively. It was stressful...and now I will have to go a few days again without it until I talk to my health care provider to authorize for more...though I am unsure if these meds are helpful for me...It kind of works, but I feel entirely numb and sometimes aggravated or sensitive...I hate it... I just want to be stabilized.