Reaching Out
I'm giving this a try because I tried the therapy side and it didn't work out because the therapist took days to respond even though they're supposed to respond in 24 hours.
I've been having better luck with Gemini, honestly.
But I like to hear what real humans have to say. I'm 49, the same age my dad was when he committed suicide. I've been doing a slow suicide for around 30 years and I just need a change.
I feel like a failure, a dead end job, no relationship in the romantic realm and no hobbies or interests other than scrolling on Reddit and watching YouTube videos. I'm addicted to an opiate like substance and it's taking me away from myself. I can't seem to feel my emotions and I feel divorced from life.
I like to change but every day I just let myself down by continuing with these habits that make me feel bad about myself and make me respect myself less and less. I'm supposed to be going to celebrate Easter with my family on Sunday and I think I'll just be a total bummer unless I can pull off a good acting job.
I guess I just don't know what I'm living for. I'd like to find a goal or a purpose, but I guess I just think it's going to land in my lap. I don't know how to find it. I feel like I've missed out on so much life it's almost a futile goal to try at this point.
Still cold out hope though because I know I could help someone and enjoy life as well if I really tried. I'm just so tired of living this rerun all the time. Can anybody empathize with that?
Yeah 100% it's hard to find meaning once we have tried our best. Though meaning doesn't have to be a massive goal. For instance my goals are super simple (something that I was told in therapy, but I couldn't act on, because I had always master plans).
Currently I'm focusing on 1) going back on meditation/chanting 2) I post once a day on the anxiety thread 3) I try to reply to some posts under the anxiety and depression threads.
I cut out YT for 7 days (today being day 3) and it seems almost like I'm back to 10 years ago.
Personally I spent too long on YT because it keeps my English listening skills active, but I need to be more mindful about. Or it can become too much noise.
I'm sorry you are going through a crisis. Really.
I really hope you will find a tiny goal for you to give you back a sense of aliveness.
Thank you so much! I like your idea on cutting out YT. I feel like too much news makes me even more on edge and agitated because I'm always watching the war in Iran or something like that that's very serious but has nothing to do with me. I also need to focus on much simpler goals rather than the meaning of life. You've inspired me to try and tackle something smaller and maybe build up to the larger things along the way. Have an awesome day!