Running out of time
This title is boring. Seen over and over again. Everyone felt it at one point and if I have to be honest I hate it.
I constantly feel like i never have time for anything. I spend the whole day doing things because I have to and once it's night, I am too tired to do the things i want to do for myself. Sometimes I do have the energy for it but then I lose all the inspiration, for example for drawing.
But I have to. I have orders to finish. I need to do things. I also need to send applications for an internship I really need to find urgently. But I can't and everyday feels like it's too short.
I know I'm young, I know everyone can go to their own pace. I heard that too many times it pisses me off. Why am I falling behind? Why is everyone doing fine but not me? Why am I the own suffering when I did everything correctly? Why is my body like the way it is? Nothing goes my way.
I try to rationalize with my habits and behaviors, I see patterns ressembling autism and/or ADHD so i assume I have that without ever going to diagnose because who knows how that would affect me in workplaces. When people who barely know me say "I don't think you have that" it makes me feel like I'm truly just a loser. Not that I truly want to use disorders as an excuse but at least it puts a finger on a potential reason. In the end I just feel like I always gaslight myself into believing I am something but I am truly not and I am just an attention seeking b*tch. Did I truly dissociate that one time? Is my inability to take care of myself truly a symptom? Or am I faking it all just to hope for someone to care?
I am also in a position where I can't complain.
Seeking therapy is stupid to me. I tried once, all we did everytime was just me talking about pointless things that happened to me sometimes interrupted with the most stupid remarks like "by dating that person, what do you mean?" like do you not know wtf dating means? I don't have all the money and time just to tell you pointless stuffs. I can't afford it
In another way maybe I just don't want to heal, maybe i'm just hoping for the day everyone will leave me one by one or hate me
@Seff1227 life is hard, it can really suck. But remember if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off😁 sometimes we need to just say to ourselves "f** * this I need a break. Just taking a week away can reset your emotional clock. I know we don't all have time, or taking a break is impossible at the time. But health always needs to come first💖 it's important to step back when we are feeling the way you are. Gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 good luck sweetie 💗