Sobbing/grieving Vent

Went through a really rough break up recently I'm too scared to vent to my friends and family about how I feel

My ex and I were together for almost a year I felt like I gave everything to be with them and them alone but it still doesn't work out we originally met through online eventually we got more comfortable with each other but I didn't want to risk the friendship we had(I had developed a small crush on them and it grew overtime they also had a crush on me) we both wanted to try a relationship despite being so far away from each other

I tried to comfort them the best I could listening to their troubles, sleeping on call with them,my whole world revolving around them so much so I stopped talking with my other close friends.....why did they make those false promises to me? Saying they would stay and be there why.....didn't I listen? why is it so hard for me to trust people?

we did eventually meet IRL

I was ecstatic to see them but the situation was tense in the moment (my parents were being not so nice since they helped me moved to be by them)

I MOVED miles away from my home to be with them.....

They broke it up because I was too scared to tell them what was troubling me (like it was eating them up inside not being able to help me with any of my problems I told them I didn't like to talk about my problems THEY KNEW I WAS LIKE THIS) they told me the break up was at the back of their mind for a long while but they thought it would be different somehow

I did so much for them enough to change their mind offing themselves they say I did everything I could and its not my fault...I COULDVE DONE MORE we could've talked why didn't they want to talk

Did I show too much emotions trying to listen??? WHAT DID I DO to make you lose interest..... I could've helped......I could've........

I trusted them for so long thinking they wouldn't leave....

They said they wouldn't leave......why did they leave? Why.....