Starting over after everything
In April this year, I attempted to take my own life by overdosing on my medication. I'm safe now and receiving treatment, but ever since then I've felt numb. And now, with my Master's and my move abroad coming closer, everything feels incredibly heavy.
All my life, I've been very sheltered. My parents have overseen almost everything my emails, my location, where I go, and many of the decisions I make. I've never really had the chance to learn how to navigate the world completely on my own.
Now I'm suddenly moving to another country and have to figure out airports, immigration, transport, accommodation, university and everyday life by myself. Even navigating an airport alone for the first time scares me.
The strange thing is that I want this. I want to become independent. I want this fresh start. But I'm terrified because I've never had the opportunity to learn independence gradually. I'm going from having almost everything managed for me to suddenly having to manage my entire life.
I don't really need someone to tell me that everything will be fine. I just want to talk to people who understand what it's like to be terrified of something you desperately want.
@placidOcean1360
Dear Beloved,
You can watch videos online about airports and immigration to gather some information in advance. You can also watch videos of the airport itself, so that when you actually go there, the surroundings and process feel a little more familiar and less frightening.
You can make a list in advance of everything you may need to manage during the entire journey and gather information about each step. Having this knowledge prepared beforehand can give you a sense of support and help you feel more comfortable while adjusting to a new environment.
I understand that real experiences can be different from what you see or learn online, but having some knowledge in advance can help things feel less unfamiliar and give you a greater sense of certainty when you actually face them.
I wish you strength and success in living the life and fulfilling the desires your heart longs for.