Support Systems

Depression is challenging for many reasons. It is such a complex issue and one that really shouldn’t be simplified in my opinion. It manifests differently in everyone and at the same time we often hear stories and think…that’s been my experience line by line. 💯

Finding a support system is challenging for me. We are all very complex beings—throw in some mental health issues and family trauma and the layers of complexity worsens. I feel like sometimes it’s hard for me to be there for others because I have to put so much effort in just to show up for myself. For many of us….it’s not “just depression.” It’s everything else too. I haven’t gone to therapy in a long time because peeling back all these layers takes time, effort, and energy. Honestly, energy is such a big component to sharing about depression and mental health issues. Some of us have the energy to discuss and some of us have no energy to discuss. For me, energy is very fluid which is why support systems are challenging. People can often feel like energy vampires to me—*** all the energy I have and leaving me very deflated. This is very obvious in person—it’s clear that I can wear a constant cloak of overwhelm, stress, and anxiety. People pick up on this. Sometimes we can try, try, try but ultimately we are who we are. 😆

I try to be self-aware. I feel like that’s all I can do.

Support Systems are hard due to my limited supply of energy. I have abandoned friendships over the years because I don’t have the bandwidth for any drama or conflict. I’ve got too many personal struggles, so if someone adds to that, I cut them off rather than add another layer of complexity to my already complex life.

Some people are really good at being there for others. I feel like my capacity to be there for others is limited due to my mental health issues. It’s really amazing to me how some people can set all their issues aside to help others. To me, this is like a super power. 🦸‍♀️

I feel like depression causes some of us to feel like “takers.” We are just trying to feel better and grabbing at anything that will lift us out of the pain and suffering, which makes it even more challenging to maintain a solid support system. That is not to say—this is how I want to be. Rather, this is how I perceive myself. Its hard to post because you expect someone to write, well, just don’t be a taker or find ways to overcome your narcissistic behavior…like it’s so simple. 😆

Wanting to be a good person and being a good person or good friend to others is two very different things. We can “want to be” for decades and never actually achieve that…

I think real meaningful friendship and connection scares me…for many reasons. After a while, it feels safer to end it rather than keep it going. Much of this goes back to childhood trauma…like everything else. 🙂

Anyways, just a few thoughts on some of ours hardest day of the year—Mother’s Day. 😆

💐💐💐