@Zizofadel
I Miss My Sweet Boy
On September 26, 2024, my life changed forever.
About a year and a half before that, I had been added to a *** group filled with people from all over the world. Over time, we bonded through our shared love for music, our hobbies, and similar life experiences. That group became my safe space, a place where I felt understood and accepted. Nothing ever seemed wrong there. It felt like home.
Among the people in the group was someone named Kayden. He was one of the kindest souls I’d ever met. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, his words stayed with me for days. His messages had a way of making my world feel lighter. One day, he added me separately to start doing streaks, and we began talking more. In just a few months, we became inseparable. The thousands of miles between us didn’t matter, we were there for each other, every single day. We’d call for hours, talk about everything, and most importantly, we supported one another through the darkness.
Kayden was going through a lot. His parents had divorced, and although he knew his mom wouldn’t care for him properly, he chose to live with her just to stay close to his little brother. His mom was barely home, always out with her boyfriend, and when she was around, she was smoking or drinking. There was rarely enough food. Kayden always made sure his brother ate, even if it meant starving himself.
At school, things weren’t any better. Because of a bit of face fat, kids mocked him relentlessly, calling him things like “cow” and “fat.” That constant bullying led to body dysmorphia and eventually anorexia. He’d go days without eating or throw up whatever little food he had. In just two months, he lost over 20kg. Still, he was strong for his brother, and for me.
The more I got to know him, the more I realized how similar we were. We liked the same music, had annoying little brothers, and neither of us had close relationships with our parents. After four months of growing closer, I finally had the courage to ask him to be my boyfriend. I promised I would always be there, that we would be each other’s rock through everything.
The first two months were beautiful. We talked every day, called every night, and it felt like he was slowly getting better. But then something changed.
My sweet, gentle best friend started drinking, smoking, vaping, and even self-harming. When I found out, my heart shattered into pieces, pieces I’m still trying to put back together. I told him I would help him through it. I made that promise, and I meant it.
Then his dad came to visit and went through his phone. For weeks, Kayden had been texting me about wanting to end his life. I had done everything I could to change his mind. I thought I had helped. But his dad read everything, took away his phone, and left him completely cut off. No social media. No way to reach me.
For days, I thought he was gone. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t function. Then, two weeks later, he messaged me from his laptop: “I got my account on my laptop, but add my new account.” I was so relieved. We talked again, and I kept trying to pull him out of the darkness. But over time, I realized this relationship, while built on love and care, was starting to hurt me too. His socials kept getting taken away, and every time I lost contact with him, I had a mini heart attack. I never knew if he was safe or alive.
That summer, Summer 2024, he disappeared for three whole months. No message. No trace. I truly believed he had died. I tried to end my own life more than twenty times that summer. I was drowning in grief and guilt. I missed him so much. But then, something broke inside me. I started to think maybe I hadn’t done enough. Maybe I focused too much on my own problems instead of listening to his cries for help. Maybe my silence cost him his life.
Then, someone in my school group, someone manipulative and cruel, named Isaac, leaked a video. In it, Kayden pointed a gun to his head.
I froze.
A month later, in August, a new *** account with the name "Kayden" added me. I got a message:
“It’s not me, Isaac, I promise. It’s Kayden.”
But I didn’t believe it. I thought it was another lie. Another sick joke. That was the last conversation I ever had with him.
The next day, the video surfaced again, but this time, the gun wasn’t on safety.
He pulled the trigger.
I’ve tried convincing myself it was fake. That it wasn’t real. That maybe, just maybe, if I had believed that message… if I had trusted it was really him… things might have ended differently.
Maybe he’d still be here.
Maybe we’d still be talking.
Maybe I’d still get to hear his voice telling me everything would be okay.
I miss him so much. I miss my sweet boy.
