This is a bad morning.
I wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend and I know he wanted to as well, but his family became an entire barrier between us. His brother is weird about him getting a car and then I’m almost certain his mom probably had plans which left him probably having to babysit. I try not to come down on him, but it’s difficult when I’m always last/put to the back and then it doesn’t help that he ignores me. I told him that I feel really hurt that I’m being ignored but I have so much on my heart already between dealing with my mom, my dad, and my rental office lying on me.
I drink tequila all last night just to feel good and enjoy music because I thought he was coming, I got dressed for him and then he never showed up. I woke up angry and now I’m just crying nonstop because I’m hungover and I hate how I feel. I shouldn’t have ever drunk the tequila, I’m just happy that I haven’t made any impulsive decisions like showing up at his house demanding for my house key back. I’m struggling with my depression bad and this made me realize that I don’t need anymore alcohol for the rest of the year because I’m already under so much stress and have so many things tugging at my heart at one time.
I’ve been reading my Bible scriptures to help me and today I told myself that I haven’t been drunk/lying in my bed for weeks on end and I don’t want to go back to living like that and being mean/angry while drunk. I don’t want to go back to my old ways so I really just want to celebrate anymore holidays or drink nothing else. I hate to have to cancel on my bestfriend’s birthday trip but I just can’t take it because I don’t want to drink anymore alcohol. I’m just having a bad morning.
@sonnieeee
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that experience. I just want to remind you that all those emotions you felt are valid. You had every right to be upset when you had an original plan you intended to follow through, but external forces decide to intervene and prevent you from doing so. Its great that you're self-aware about your habits, and although it must've hurt to cancel on your best friend's birthday, I think you made a great choice in focusing on yourself after everything that you experienced. I hoped your best friend was able to understand your situation and that maybe when you feel better, you can make it up to them somehow. Before that can happen of course, I think it's best that you focus on yourself for a bit! It seems like you're succeeding in self-reflecting, and I think it will only benefit you more. Maybe treat yourself in something else, something that might even give you a tiniest bit of dopamine and ground you into a better mindset! Keep going, you'll manage to figure things out!