Thrown my good life away accidentally
I’m grateful for my life so far up to the point I accidentally did something that really gutted myself. I took some medicine for a minor issue that probably would have resolved on its own, and now it’s causing my hip issues and I wouldn’t be able to run again, maybe barely walk. Now everyday is pain after pain after pain, the moment painkillers pass it’s effects, I can’t do anything from this pain.
Before that I used to have a happy life, a goal to live for, I’m in university and doing ok in a somewhat prestigious program that I worked my entire elementary to high school life for, and all of it is coming undone because of my health issue. School is just too much for me now because I can’t even focus in class with the pain, and the sadness knowing that I would never be the same as my peers ever again.
I tried to blame something else for what happened but I know it’s all my fault and I loathe myself for it. I don’t know how to carry on.
@practicalPear9872
I’m deeply sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re enduring a tremendous amount of physical and emotional pain, and it's completely understandable to feel lost and overwhelmed. It’s incredibly hard when something you’ve worked so hard for feels like it’s slipping away due to factors that seem beyond your control.
You’ve already shown immense strength and dedication in pursuing your education and personal goals. The disruption you’re experiencing now doesn’t erase those achievements or the hard work you’ve invested. It’s okay to feel the weight of this change and to mourn the loss of the life you envisioned. Your feelings of frustration and self-blame are a normal reaction to such a profound challenge, but it’s important to remind yourself that this situation doesn’t define your value or your future.
Please be gentle with yourself during this time. It’s okay to grieve the changes, but also try to be kind to yourself. Your resilience and past accomplishments are part of who you are, and they will continue to be part of your journey, even as you navigate this difficult period. Taking things one day at a time and focusing on what you can control might help you find some moments of relief. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and your struggles do not diminish the strength and perseverance you’ve shown throughout your life.
