Two voices of me
I don't even know what i feel anymore .. I am not even sad or overwhelmed because o others I just hate myself .. My big brother and papa says they beleive in me they trust me that i can do it i have acheived before and i will now too but i can't beleive it its not like i don't want to but i just can't ... There is now like two voices inside me one is cruel not to others but to me .. The meanest one who just hates me ..Who thinks i am unworthy who thinks i shouldnot live who thinks i am worst and i don't deserve to be loved who think i feel this way is good bcz i deserve it bcz i am still alive when i wasn't supposed to so now i am paying for this by all this pain and hatered and another one begging to love me pleaseee , begging don't be hard on me please i want to be happy i want to feel good i want to be loved but the cruel one always wins .. I once read a quote says "MOM please talk to me nicely because one day i will start talking to me with the same voice u used to talk to me " and yeh i am doing this ...i don't want to but i am doing it .. I always teach my little brother to always choose ur words nicely i try my best to protect him from mom's words and anger so he won't become second me but still he loves others more than me he loves those cousins of our more whom he meet in years and thinks i am just stupid and they are best who once said mom why she made me born i shouldn't have born .. It would be better if he had a brother than me .. its ok i know i am worst and i am soo stupid who want to not feel this but this is me no matter i much i try to run away rom this i am just worst and i know it but i am still so stupid to want not to feel it ..
@Jyotik005
I will say that there is a narrator inside your head that follows and guides you through your life at all times... Your narrator is quite negative from what you just posted.. I imagine all the pain and negativity you have suffered has made your narrator quite guarded and negative.. You have got to reevaluate what is true and what isn't.. The narrator is not accurate sometimes because of the suffering you have dealt with for so long.. I wish you find better days, Thanks for telling us your story, I imagine alot of people here have alot in common with you..🌲
@Jyotik005
you already objectively see this voice is not accurate… but it’s still hurting you badly… it still has power… you know there is another voice in you… you are capable of compassion…
what would happen if you stood up for this softer voice? Could you choose to protect it? Commit to give it 1 day protection? Then decide if you can do more?
like when you notice the cruel voice, step in and say: „sorry, I see you but today we listen to this soft voice. I am here to watch us being respectful and kind to it. Hey, soft voice… tell us how you feel”
or what if you start a list of the good things that you bring? your compassion, the protection you gave your brother, your ability to see beauty…
@pinkCherry1616 I will try
@Jyotik005 How are things going? Any new thoughts?
@pinkCherry1616 same
@Jyotik005 were you able to put anything on your list of good things about you?
