What am I even doing
For the first time in my life it feels really weird that I'm trying to reach out for help. I have tried countless times before, trying to get help from a Professional. But what stops me is the cost and I can't push myself to do it. I hate feeling vulnerable and it feels like I have to beg for support, and what makes things worse is that I know I have to do it if I don't want to be harsh to myself. I cope with my avoidance, and people are getting affected because of it. This results in me hating them for not understanding my situation because I have to live in constant survival mode and I hate that they have these little problems and I feel *** for invalidating them like that too. I hate that I'm aware, I hate that I know I can be better but I everytime I try it feels like the knot is getting tighter. I feel hopeless rn and hate everything else. I've avoided both my parents (because they got issues with me complaining about the life they built for us because they both failed as parents) and it resulted to making my life more lonely, the only thing that I love in this world is my siblings. Now I stare at my phone, trying to connect with someone, and I don't know if it's my pride, I just can't bring myself to do it. I have never lasted in any apps, maybe after this I might not open this again anymore, but I still hope, that maybe everything will get better.
@No0n9
Welcome to cups 🤗 🩷
It's brave of you to reach out .
And take your time.
There's never no rush to share here or go faster than you are comfortable with!
Thank you, I really appreciate it💕
@No0n9 Hey, thank you for giving it a shot. Loneliness makes everything hard. I am glad that you love your siblings.
It’s your life at stake so it’s good that you feel the need to do something about it.
I hope you will check back. Driving a change through here or somewhere else will need your effort. In here you can for example search for a short or long term listener or exchange more of your thoughts through posts. There are also sharing circles, growth paths, programs and etc.
Thank you I appreciate that a lot❤️ I will try my best to get back on my feet and bring the spark back that got lost❤️
@No0n9 not for me, for you… it might be standing up, picking up few new habits or finding a right community… but it might be also letting yourself be vulnerable in front of someone and learning to receive care or even something else. I couldn’t guess what you need. You will be the one finding out. The point here is only that there are multiple options and that you don’t have to explore them alone.
