What are the benefits of not having a social life
I’m a loner and I’ve been most of my life as I feel it all the time. Ever since the 4th grade and I’m 35f I’ve been teased growing up and transferred schools twice. And just feeling insecure and inadequate all me life. I know I’ve learned to appreciate my own company and do my own thing. I deleted social media especially when it got toxic and not really sure what I identify. I guess dealing with my subsequent career change of being let go from the arts and now I’m a job of music even though I’m not a musician. Yet I’ve been figuring out where to navigate from here. I guess even with my romantic life of lack there of. I’m too tired to get into dating now. Especially when an ex reached out after he dumped me through a text which was a year ago and he reached out much later. With my reaction of feeling nauseous and just had a gut feeling that it wasn’t worth it. I don’t know if I’ll get out there to date I’m past my prime and not sure if I want to have kids. I tell myself I wouldn’t be a good mom and that I’ll too Joan Crawford being the mother of the year. And the other reason I’m not into dating is I’m afriad of intimacy. Being intimated with a guy is scary sometimes. Yet I know there are certain exes I miss but I know that was a long time ago and I know there’s not going back I’m not in my twenties and maybe it wasn’t as great as I remembered.
But I guess there are times I feel lonely but I’m not desperate. I have enough self respect to not look for a rebound. But just want to emotionally connect with someone rather than have one sided friendships/relationships. When dating isn’t just only making out but I guess that would be a dealbreaker to most. I guess I know if I’m older and single probably bitter most women that age are or so I’ve been told. I would be told to lower my standards but I don’t know if I’ll stoop that low.
But being a single women you don’t get a lot of respect. Even my family belittle and ignores me most times. If I’m alone at least I know that where I stand if I’m alone with a group of people. I know that worse. I don’t know if there is some way to keep finding hope when life is kind of bleak. And I’m too fatigued to care at this point.
Being independent is great in some ways but can also be tough, noone has your back or listens to you on a whingey type day.
I'm not sure I would change it and go back to having people that are unkind and unsupportive just to say I have people in my circle.
I do what I want, go where I want, feel how I want and there's no-one objecting or complaining. I can be self indulgent and be free and only my conscience will be heard.
Dating is a personal thing. I would hope the right person would be patient and understanding to your needs and willing to take it slowly.
It is true, if you're a single woman, you're seen as less than but I see it as being strong enough to cope on my own and pick myself up.
Just find what matters to you and can boost your life so that you have things to look forward too :)
@jadedhue
People seeing you as less cause you are single is not great. But you know that there are worse alternatives. As long as you know your truth about it and it doesn’t make you bitter, it’s ok. There are still some social expectations but I believe life as a single person is better than life with the wrong person.
I will say: don’t lower your standards. If you meet someone who meets you, then great. If not, then you already are fine. Shearing experiences without romantic expectations from the beginning sounds not easily available but might happen.
So I think keeping your self-respect is best. I can feel you are tired. The relief of feeling really connected can seem so unreachable. But you never know. As long as you take care of yourself to not become bitter, there is a chance of a surprise. No guarantees, just a chance. Still the not becoming bitter is a win on its own. Thank you for sharing your story.
