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jadedhue
1 1,975 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts220 Forum posts50 Forum upvotes145 Current upvotes145 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceApril 5, 2026
Bio

Just trying to navigate my path going forward.

Recent forum posts
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Not getting along with my nephew
Depression Support / by jadedhue
Last post
 August 18th
...See more TW: I don’t think I’m gonna get along with my nephew I’m trying not to hate on him even though he’s 5 years old and he’s just a kid and I know I shouldn’t let whatever mean things kids say get to me. But I just get the feeling I don’t think we’re going to get along I didn’t do anything mean I think. Literally I don’t think I’m narcissistic or anything but he says comments that I’m a bad person that I don’t have friends. I tried telling others about it like my mom but they don’t believe me. I mean they always side with the kids but with me I’m the crazy single adult. I mean the thing is I literally feel this way where I really don’t have friends and I’m not trying to blame the kid and it could be what he’s been exposed to by his parents (my sister) and what they say about me. That I’m a loser or some sorts. I don’t like being this way and I hope there’s something that can change or go around and I hope both my neice and nephew grow up to be good people but with that’s going on in this generation I don’t know. But this is just a rant that I might delete later. Since I sound like and adult hating on kids. And everyone is going to side with kids and that I’m a miserable person. But the thing is I want to though but I don’t know if I get along with anybody lately. I mean my whole family doesn’t treat me like a human they either avoid me or bombard me with many other chores that I don’t even know and I just get overwhelmed. It just threw me off today. What I thought would be a nice hello from a far turns out to be another call to bombard me with things.
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Idk
35 & Over Community / by jadedhue
Last post
 August 2nd
...See more Just got to work I guess I’m feeling more stable that I can deal but I guess the things in the past I don’t think about so much or I do but I don’t feel as intensely as before maybe it’s far behind me. I guess I can handle coming in tommorrow. But I don’t think I feel 100% happy and I mean no one is sometimes I wish my life was something more but I don’t have a strong interest in a relationship and friends are hard to find but maybe I don’t know what I’m looking for. I mean if I was stuck in a relationship with someone I’m not sure or happy of that would be worse wouldn’t it? And if you’re hanging out with so called friends that you can’t resonate with and they likely belittle or ignore me then that’s isn’t good either I’ll feel more alone than being with myself. And I’m 35 I know life is not going to get easier but I guess I need to figure out how to navigate. Such a double standard that women lose their value with age but men it is the opposite and yet they probably get turned on going for girls half their age sometimes even those that are barely eighteen which is disturbing and wouldn’t be my kind of guy and obviously I wouldn’t be his either. It’s disturbing how fetishized youth culture is to dudes. But then I’m also really guarded like most women would be and not likely to give in. Since I have a sense that most would have an agenda. Sometimes I don’t even know
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I havent been on here lately but hey
Depression Support / by jadedhue
Last post
 July 14th
...See more I haven’t been on here lately but hey and I have received notifications.m so far. I haven’t been in the right mental health lately. It’s been in the trash bin or a while now and taken to the curb for the garbage men to college and probably incinerated or put to landfill. Also dealing with a lot of work stress lately and also feel like I’m taken for granted z I mean I handle it well or the best in my ability but it just takes a toll. I also have been feeling lonely like I wish I had someone to talk and listen but no one seems to care. Yet I feel like I’m an *** for asking for validation. I don’t think there’s anything for me anymore. Since my job is the only thing that keeping me a float and making it somewhat worthwhile for me even though I don’t know what I’m doing here or how my life even got this way. And dealing with my mother and how she says I’m a lazy piece of ***. Or I don’t do anything and wonders how I still have my job. I’m just angry all the time and just feel like a slave everyday. I don’t even care anymore and I feel like I hate everybody. Even though I hate that I feel this way too. I hate how there’s a conflict every time. I guess loyalty is questionable nowadays in the workplace. I’m just done.
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Finding an old journal in 2008
35 & Over Community / by jadedhue
Last post
 May 24th
...See more I’m 35 now but back then I was around 16 going on 17 which I now know is a different time. Of course there’s a lot of blank pages and most of my post were probably aroun high school about certain classmates that aren’t in my life anymore and lot of other things in my past and I don’t like looking back on. Although I do look at my old post and say how lonely I am which I guess is still true to this day. I guess now I just start to appreciate solitude even though there are days I feel alone but I just have to grow thicker skin than before. I don’t know if I’ll still keep writing in a paper journal but it’s interesting that I found it and another older journal when I was 13 but most of the pages are all written. I wonder people store their personal journals. Or if they like to read them. I kind of don’t people I feel like it will be cringe looking back but I guess it means I’ve grown I guess.
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Fallout
Journals & Diaries / by jadedhue
Last post
 May 22nd
...See more Earlier today I had a bit of a scare coming into work. One of my coworkers had a bad fallout with a former employee who used to work with us, and for a while people were worried he might show up. Thankfully he never did, but the situation brought up a lot of emotions for me. We were all mutual friends at one point, which makes this hard to process. He left the company about two years ago on a really bad note and had major fallouts with several instructors and people here. After he left, there were always rumors and gossip surrounding him, and I never fully knew what to believe. Part of me wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. There were times he reached out to me wanting to hang out, but I always felt conflicted. Something in my gut kept telling me to keep my distance, and months ago I finally blocked him hoping we would both move on. Today honestly felt like closure in a sad way. I realized I don’t need to keep questioning whether I made the right decision. I think I did. At the same time, it hurts accepting that someone who used to be part of your life can become someone you no longer feel safe or comfortable around. What also unsettles me is that he had visited my house late at night before, back when I hadn’t fully seen the more toxic side of things yet. So even though nothing happened today, part of me still feels anxious and worried about the possibility of harassment or him showing up again someday. I also ended up talking briefly with one of the instructors who knew more about the situation. We weren’t especially close, but for some reason I felt like I needed to hear more context directly instead of just rumors. I think part of me needed confirmation that my instincts weren’t wrong. There’s also a possibility he may be involved with hard drugs or dealing with deeper personal issues, and if that’s true, it honestly makes me sad more than anything else. But I’ve realized I can care about what happened to someone while still recognizing that it’s healthier to let go and protect my own peace. Right now I think I’m feeling a mix of relief, sadness, closure, and fear all at once.
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Im 131 lb and indont know how to get back down
35 & Over Community / by jadedhue
Last post
 July 3rd
...See more I’m going through high stress and I’m not getting any thinner I think this is the heaviest I’ve ever been. It’s even worse when my mom criticizes me for it too. And work was stressful the cherry on top when an instructor calls out and it’s almost nine pm. I mean it’s great to call out before hand but it’s fusterating I have to cancel students before tomorrow. I almost wanted to go to McDonald to eat my stress away but I didn’t. It’s like at work I have trouble keeping up with who is a student here. Anyone currently have weight struggles.
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Idk im anxious
Anxiety Support / by jadedhue
Last post
 May 18th
...See more And yet I don’t help myself whether if it’s going for a walk or something to keep myself busy. I guess I still have so much on my mind I did manage to go to the 2nd show case yesterday. But I was nervous idk why but I tried my best to help students I guess to where they needed to go. Some one ignored me I almost wanted to say hi but didn’t. I guess I also went with my mom too. We didn’t stick around for the whole thing but walked around dc. And went to one museum and mostly explored one floor there. Well I know one instructors last today is today. Hopefully she will make it but if not well I guess that’s that. Shame I wanted to be her friend but I don’t seem to get along with females even though I’m a female and it’s the girls that ignore me at work which is quite strange. And I thought females should support other females but I guess that’s not the case. But I could still hold my toxic views on things which is why I’m toxic. Also being let go without any warning from my last job and there I worked at an all female workplace and they’re just as catty. But at least I don’t sense any antagonisms from them. But at the same time I see a lot of people come and go. Some leave on a good note some leave not on a good note. Deep down I’m lonely and wish I had a person that understands but that’s not the reality is it. Especially the more older you get the more lonelier you get. I could also be insecure on a lot of things that I don’t have a social life and only have my mom. Even though she criticizes me a lot.
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Day off work satruday
Depression Support / by jadedhue
Last post
 May 17th
...See more So I work as a coordinator at a music school and today was their showcase which is the students concert. I rarely go but I couldn’t motivate myself to go or find directions on how to get there instead I just wallowed in my depression and laid in bed for hours. I did take a shower but didn’t really do anything productive today. In a way it was great to do nothing but at the same time I didn’t really do what I wanted to do in my mind I want to do it but my body didn’t want to get up.
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