When your best just isn't good enough.
I have done so much. I have done so, so, so *** much to improve things and not just passively sitting around waiting for things to improve. And things are still not even bearable on a basic level. When you can't ever catch a break, you really think the universe is conspiring against you.
It takes a toll, can you blame me?
Friends can barely bother, despite how much effort I put in to being supportive, and faking positivity. My partner turned into someone I don't even know, and won't stop criticizing me despite my communication that it hurts me. I am on the verge of being fired for the forth time, despite doing all I can to go above and beyond.
And family? They were the reason for crippling trauma. Oh and I don't mean that in a "sensitive snowflake" way. I was physically and verbally abused for most of my life (I'm 28). But all professionals care about is finding more mental illness labels for you. As if you are fundamentally defective as a human being, and not due to having lived through horrific things.
This world beyond hostile and dysfunctional. And I'm not "maladaptive" for desiring to not be alive in it.
I can relate to some of the things you say. It really sucks when you make huge efforts for everything to change and it ends up not being good enough. But don’t get fooled. The world can be very hypocritical, asking very big amounts of work and results from people, when it’s actually a very messed up place. I’m sure that even if your not a perfect person, you are valuable and deserve love, respect, affection and compassion. I accompany you in your pain and I can tell you that you efforts are way more than enough, just by the fact that you recognize that you are doing your best. 🫂🩵
@yibird23 i don't understand why our own families abuse us in different ways the parents who were supposed to love us turn into someone we hate