Why?

It seems my life has been going downhill and I try my best but i always keep skrewing up and it's making it worse. I just came out of an abusive relationship she abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I never had a chance to learn myself but they say love is blinding me she used me and I walked away. Now its hard finding a new girl, everytime I find a girl I'm interested in it happens that I get ghosted or she was a b***h. I just want some to be able to cry to just someone to hold me while I hold them. I also try to quit porn and that makes it worse for my mental state when I inevitably relapse. I'm also the target for bullies and all my friends were turned against me by my ex. Being a social person this also hurts I'm never fully alone I'm just very lonely because I have no one to talk to about this. I can't even escape all this by doing sport cuz my equipment for that sport is broken.