Why am I never enough?
I'm depressed, hiding my pain behind a smile. Anxiety, overthinking, and panic attacks consume me. At 16, I've matured early due to life's struggles.
My family fights a lot; my father is strict, demanding only focus on studies. Their harsh words and punishments hurt, though they love me.
I've faced bullying nd lost my best friends to betrayal.
My exes left scars. One didn't care after a month, another cheated, and the third, right for me, faced family opposition nd gave up eventually nd moved on. I still love him, wishing we had solved our problems. I couldn't share my situation, fearing burdening him. I wish him all the happiness but really wish if I can fix our relationship...
In India, student relationships aren't allowed. My mom was angry when I told her everything after breakup but she listened when I explained, leaving her thoughtful nd didn't want me to be in a relationship but was in support of my ex. She asked me to ignore family stress. I'm working hard, sacrificing my dreams for family happiness, and giving up on my ex's request, he's similar to me, he never talked to anyone, we never communicated properly. I always care for others more than myself because it's all about giving nd not gaining. But i believe in working hard nd struggling for something i wanna achieve even rn it seems impossible in futrue.
I'm exhausted by family and study stress, heartbreak, and questioning if I'm a failure as my parents say...
@MoonlightX1003
Hello MoonlightX1003,
I’m sorry to hear of all the Family stress, they never make things easy. Then being denied any relationship, that must being hard. Over thinking and anxieties doesn’t help any either.
You are valid and loved. Your feelings are yours and it is ok to have them. You are the Expert of You, so do remember to provide self-care. It is honorable to serve others before yourself. But not at the expense of your health. How can you care for others, if you are not cared for.
But there is hope. You are young with many glorious things, adventures, and people yet to come. It might not seem so right now with sacrificing your dreams for your family’s happiness. I hear you and acknowledge you. But have hope, there is time for all the rewards that life will yet to bring. Keep the faith, we believe in you.
What are your dreams?
I don't even know, I have left everything i loved. I can't even remember the last time I took a decision that wouldn't hurt my feelings. Whether it was giving up on my dreams or giving up on my ex whom I still love so much. I just am made like this, I belive that God has given me this much strength to go through all this, so he must have planned a beautiful future for me so I am working hard, giving beyond my best to keep everyone around me.hapoy because their happiness brings me happiness.
@MoonlightX1003
You really have been through so much. As a child and even as a teenager, I was often called an "old soul", when all I really had was trauma primarily originating from family pressures+dynamics. Your words really resonated with me. My family too, used to fight and use harsh words- in the name of "raising children to be strong". I'm sorry to hear that your exes hurt you, and I'm sorry to hear about how your last relationship ended.
It's so easy for parents to say "Just ignore it" when it's a pervasive and overwhelming stress that only gets worse for you. I also felt like this as a teenager. I was forced to drop out of sports teams, forced into academic competitions just because I used to enjoy math+science, and at home- all I got were insults and snide comments comparing me to others. If I ever brought up my feelings, my parents would either minimize how I felt or gaslight me by saying nothing like that ever happened. It wrecked me in relationships (I'd be drawn to and put up with toxic behaviors) and at university too. And every time I attempted something new and failed, my mother would say "You should have listened to me". It was a neverending cycle of stressors, heartbreak, and questioning myself. This eventually led to pervasive self-hatred. I didn't even know what *I* truly wanted to do. I needed a break and I didn't know how to get one.
Eventually, I put up a huge fight and left my parents' house during college. During time period, I got back together with my partner, got my first job, and lived by myself. At the beginning, I couldn't even afford to purchase a bag of rice. But it was so worth it at the end/
I am telling you this story to let you know that you are not a failure. Even though there may be a culture in your family of sacrificing yourself for others, you do not have to do that. You are a lovely person and I hope you get the time to find yourself and follow your dreams. Your family will understand eventually, even if it may take years and harsh words at first.
Good luck and feel free to reach out 1-1!
There is no such culture, it's just me. I am like this. I don't know why, it hurts sometimes but just my loved ones happiness brings me happiness, I am just happy to see them happy. That's why i gave up on my ex, he tried his best but gave up so i couldn't force him into a relationship, although I never told him my sitaution completely, nd everything I go through, i hid it from him because i didn't want to burden him, i just want him to be happy with me or without me. His parents must be hating me a lot, I am sorry, I am not a bad person, I would have given my best to becomw the best version of myself for him, I would always fight for people i love without caring for myself.
@MoonlightX1003
Hey, Moonlight. Thank you for providing this context. It sounds like you feel the most happy when your loved ones are happy, even if they don't know about your sacrifices (may it makes you feel better to keep it from them so you won't burden them?). However, have you thought that it may make your loved ones even happier to see you happy?
And about the situation with your ex- Do you think that perhaps he gave up because he felt that you were not telling him everything about your situation? It sounds like you clearly still have feelings for him. I used to be in a situation like this, where unintentional hurt would occur because I kept things from my partner, in the name of "not burdening him". However, I found that this led to a lack of trust between us and too many assumptions. Perhaps you can try telling him about why you act the way that you do. Don't expect anything from him (If you go into the situation while not expecting anything, then you're not burdening him. You're just telling him and that's it.). But I have often found that once I find out more about why a person acts the way they act, my perspective completely changes. I find myself empathizing with them and being able to hold space for them.
Perhaps your ex may hold space for you too. And eventually, hopefully, you can hold space for yourself too. You hold space for so many others.
It won't make them happy, I know that, I have tried nd everytime the thing i loved has been taken away from me, I had to give up, I am weak uk, i can't take my own stand, it's difficult. I know u can blame me. But it's really tough. As for my ex he says he has moved on, so idk i don't wanna hurt him, I really wish him to be the happiest nd not give up ever again because life is gonna be difficult nd taking the easy route by giving up will only lead to more difficulties later which u might not realise right now.
@MoonlightX1003
It really sounds so difficult, to feel powerless and forced to give up everything that brings you happiness in favor of others. I'm so sorry to hear that. But I will say- I don't blame you at all. It sounds a bit as if you're stuck. It sounds like you are stuck in a fawn response, where you shut down your own emotions and have excessive people-pleasing tendencies. This is a response to trauma and often occurs when you're feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by things in your life. Your nervous system has decided to neutralize threats around you by pleasing those around you at any cost to yourself.
I want you to know that there *are* ways to get out of this state, but that will be your decision. Healing and controlling the fawn response will require learning how to set boundaries and figuring out how to navigate strong emotions and frustration. Healing from past trauma that still affects us is not an easy process. Please let me know if you would like more information about the fawn response.
And I agree with you, giving up now can lead to greater hardships later. But it is up to each person to decide which issue deserves their time.
Please help me out with this if possible. I am sorry I am not worth the efforts so everyone gives up on me.
Of course, Moonlight. You are absolutely worth the effort. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Please feel free to leave me a 1-1 message and we can start from there
Idk why but i can't 1-1 msg u, the chat option isn't appearing. Thanks for trying to help me out though.
@MoonlightX1003
Hi, Moonlight. It may be that you need to go into your settings and enable listeners to message you. Alternatively, you may have run out of personal requests for the day. I believe members are allowed to make up to 5 personal requests/day. Please let me know after trying those steps!
@Gilbird
But also- no pressure. There are plenty of kind people who are willing to help you right here, in the forums! I hope things take a turn for you sometime.
Its enabled nd i haven't messaged any listener yet, I am just not seeing the chat button when opening ur profile. I am sorry, i am new here so i can't understand it.
You are most certainly not a failure. I am so sorry that your parents are putting such stress on you. You are always enough.
Sometimes it can help to focus on daily things that you can do to relieve some of that pressure. What kinds of things do you do to care for yourself? @MoonlightX1003
Nothing, i just like to play guitar for a few minutes, otherwise mostly I only study.
The guitar is great. The more that you can take breaks doing that the better.
Where do you study exactly? If it is near your parents that might be more stressful. Is there somewhere outside like a park or a library? The more that you feel in control of your own studying the easier that it is to do?
@MoonlightX1003
I study in my own room, but my parents are always around. I love studying but when pressurized i don't feel like doing it at times. Right now i don't want to do anything, I am tired.
I can imagine. When you are depressed it feels a bit like moving through cement. Getting out of it can be really slow.
For me, I found that the more I distracted myself through activities the better that I did. I might really not want to study, but if I managed 15 minutes I felt better. I broke things into really small time segments and then congratulated myself all the time. But I also really had to find different spaces to operate in. Getting outside and walking for breaks was a game changer. Even sitting by a window can help.
We are here to cheer you on. You do deserve it and you are going to find the other side of this. @MoonlightX1003
I know how much you are mourning right now and I do believe that your parents are being strict. Unluckily, those aren't things that you can change at the moment, just things that you can work through.
Turning on yourself and thinking bad thoughts about yourself just beats you up further though. I know that they are really, really hard to control.
So how do you turn those thoughts off? Keep working on the distractions. Recognize that even an hour that is okay is worth recognizing even if the rest of the day isn't so good. If you cannot go outside, sit at a window. Walk once around the block if your parents let you do that. Play your guitar for half an hour. Keep it very simple. Focus on activities rather than changing thoughts. @MoonlightX1003
I can't my father doesn't allow me to, he just wants me to study nd score full marks. The family stress, study stress nd heartbreak everything has piles up on me, i can't take it anymore.
Which of the things can't you do? Will your dad let you sit by the window to study? Sometimes small compromises can help. You need to feel in control of something again.
You always decide what you control ultimately and what you don't. There are also really radical steps that you can take. You can tell your dad that if he doesn't let up you aren't going to pass because the stress is too much. Demand the simple - the half hour of guitar or walking around the block whenever you need to. It is indeed too much and this is a correct assessment from an outside educator (me).
You can pull in one of your teachers (the kindest one) and tell them how bad the stress is. Ask for suggestions on managing it.
@MoonlightX1003
How are things going? I have been thinking about you. @MoonlightX1003
@MoonlightX1003 I understand your condition fully because It was same happen with me too , you need to understand that life is consist of both happy and sad pages .And If something bad happen in your life there will be some reason behind that.
Life is easy , our own thinking level is making it tough ..HEARTBREAK happen's just because you attached your feeling ...Sometimes we love the wrong person in right way .. we need to understand that life is all about moving forward ..you need to face the obstacle in life ..
you need to face the challenges ..life will get more tougher with time ..problem will get increased but the main thing is that ..never loose yourself ...never loose your hope ..never make the same mistake again
don't take stress , just work upon the things give your best in studies and academic ..bring up your best ...rest will all be good with time
remember that is there are bad day's ..for sure good day's will gonna come
If there is darkness - There will be a sunlight
PS- just love yourself
- believe in yourself
-never loose hope
-everything will be okay
This is the thing he wasn't wrong, as in he isn't a wrong person, he is perfect. I mean not everyone is perfect everyone has flaws but in spite of that he was genuinely the best, we broke up due to external factors that are his parents.
@MoonlightX1003
I am so sorry to hear that
Please reach out to me if you ever need to talk
@MoonlightX1003
Sorry to hear you're struggling with so much right now! Family, school, and relationship stress are difficult to deal with at the same time. Hopefully things take a turn for the better sometime soon for you 🙏
@MoonlightX1003...So many people care about you and are trying to reach out...that just shows how significant you are...if you haven't found a listener yet,please try and see if you are able to message me here
@MoonlightX1003
Hello, I’m so sorry to hear all the terrible events that happened to you and I’ve experienced some of those same problems in the past as well. The fact that you have persevered through all of this shows how strong you are and I believe that you can keep going. You shouldn’t let go of your dreams just because someone else told you to. All of these stressful situations will eventually be in the past and I know you got this. Good luck with all of this I believe in you!!
I kind of understand but I'm 14 and my soirse is this group that either caused or found my depression and I left that group so that was like 2 or 3 months ago. And it's not much better everyone has their triggers and I had a lot more small one we both stress over school and that's not fair. The average mental health of the average student would of been put in a mental asylum in 1960 I'll see you there