Why do I choose to be lonely?
I (23 yo man) like many other people live under the perception that I’m alone in this world. The truth is I’m lucky, I have a family that loves me, friends that I know deep down would do anything for me even though yes, I do second guess that constantly.
To be fair, I am usually the one reaching out, I do put everyone before myself, I hide my feelings and mask everything under a mask of self assurance and un interest which couldn’t be further from how I feel.
I second guess my social standing constantly whether it’s my friends, my family and all other relationships I have. I am incredibly hard on myself and second guess every choice I make. My whole personality was built under the guise of calm, cool, collected. Above the typical things that make a person human. Laughing at stupid ***, talking about others, even dancing at a club. (I’m the guy that’s trashed just standing at the side lol)
Back to the topic (sorry about the rant). I like to think I’m dark and depressed. I pull back from my friends and family, don’t care about making new friends, meeting new people or anything else. Then I sit at home at night and hate myself for it, feeling like the loneliest person in the world while I essentially created that life for myself.
Why do I do this? Is it something others feel? Feel free to respond and say I’m crazy lol.
@amiableBeach7583
You are not crazy. When we second guess ourselves with people we are already comfortable with we often do not want to risk what others think... the reality is whatever someone is thinking it has no change in our day to day. most of other people are so concerned about what they look like they simply do not watch or see us as closely as we fear.
Learn to like yourself and quit worrying about the petty stuff. I wasted many years doing what you are I started not giving a shot about it and did not build roadblock on myself. I believe you can or anyone who is wallowing in loneliness and depression can do it too.
@amiableBeach7583
Hey, it sounds so lonely. I can relate a little. I used to worry about what others might think about me. I wanted to show up as some who is fine. It was lonely.
There is one powerful thought that helped me:
If we want to be liked/respected/loved, then we first need to show up as ourselves.
Meaning: no pretending (unless you really think it is not safe).
Why? Cause pretending usually doesn't work in building real connections. Even if it did work, then it would not give us the love and respect we want. Cause it would be the mask that gets to be liked (not the real us). Only when we get the courage to show up more as us, we get a chance to connect. And if some people won't like what they see? Well, then we know that those are not our people and we get to look for those who are.
Sometimes we might feel too sensitive to let others see it. It is complicated. The being delicate inside needs to be protected from the natural harshness that a random reality might serve. What if we spend some of the energy in finding the safe people instead only budling facades? You don't have to risk your whole image at once. Starting small with safe test confessions with preselected people. Something you can handle if people won't respond kindly to. Step by step.
Feel free to confront those words here, or ping me over 1:1 chat message if you want