Why me?
I had played on a varsity soccer team for about 6 months. Being homeschooled for about 5 years I have always been really shy so it was always hard for me to talk and communicate with others. As time went on I grew a strong connection to this team that's I didn't even know I had until it ended. When the season ended it absolutely crushed me. I had never had this close of a connection to something before so when this happened I was devastated. I guess in the back of my mind I new it would eventually come to an end but I guess I just didn't really realize it. (If that makes sense) There were at least 6 seniors on that teams that won't be back next season. Even though I am going to play again next season it still hurts so much to think about them not being there anymore. While I know there is still players that will be coming back it still hurts so much to think about there not being those six players anymore. I have just been struggling with anxiety about this and have also been really stressed out lately. It has been so hard for me to cope with this that I really don't know what to do. I have tried so much to just let go of this but at this point I don't even really know if I can.
I really just don't know what to do at this point.
It's really normal to have this reaction to such a big ending, especially when it involves an activity with the highs and lows of sports. Even people who are just fans can get down when the season is over because it creates a vacuum in their lives. When you're playing and the season ends, you lose so much: the connection and camaradery, the excitement, the structure of practice and games.
It sounds like homeschooling was a mostly isolating experience for you, and that this team brought something to your life you really needed. It makes sense that you would grieve this ending and the seniors who are moving on, so give yourself space to go through that grief.
Eventually you'll be ready to look forward to the next season and to embrace the positive in this experience (such as finding out about this social side of your personality and the joy of the team). Right now you're gutted and that's ok.
Not quite the same thing, but when I was a teen I had a chance to go on a 3-day cruise my grandmother had won. It was so different from the life I'd been living (only child of a single parent, living in poverty) that it opened up a whole new world to me. Coming back to the "real world" was devastating. I think it shone a spotlight on something I had been missing in my life, which made it harder to go back to the lonely routine. I wonder if that's what is happening for you, realizing that you weren't so much shy, as not having opportunity to connect with people doing something you loved?
Anyway, give yourself lots of space and love. Feel what you feel. It will be ok.
@AlliopeCalliope
I have always been really shy and I still am, but I have learned that I can be more open around people. Thank you for the support I appreciate it ☺️