does it ever get better?

I'm 20 years old and I started college this year. In the last few months, I feel like my dysthymia has gotten worse. I thought it was just stress from work and the end-of-year holidays, but even after getting into the college I wanted and good things happening since then, I still feel depressed. My depression is "mild" but long-lasting, and it's not something I can share with my family because it seems like I don't have depression since I continue to "function," but I spent a good part of my adolescence until now wishing many times that I wasn't here, planning to attempt, and sometimes I really wish I had succeeded... But I always had to hide it because I didn't want my parents to have another depressed child, so I hide my depression from them. I've been seeing a psychologist for a few months, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

It's been difficult pretending that I'm okay, that I'm happy. I had to quit my job because of the university schedule and I feel guilty about that too. Because I need to be perfect, I need to be the daughter who graduates from college, I need to manage everything. But it feels like I'm a fraud, like I'm wearing a mask of happiness, but I'm not okay.

I feel that if things continue like this, I don't know how long I'll survive.