emptiness

i don’t think i’m capable of happiness. i think im broken for good. and there was no reason for me to break. nothing broke me. i just did. so there’s no way to fix it. fix me. because you need to have a reason to fix something right? i’m like this hole that never gets filled. so many good things but it’s never enough to make me feel something. anything. i feel so empty. i have to force myself to feel. at funerals. at birthdays. the only emotions i’m capable of feeling are sadness. disappointment. envy. self hatred. all negative emotions that i don’t want to feel. i wish i felt something happy. i wish i was enough for myself. i wish i loved myself. i wish.