im not allowed
it seems like the only person allowed to be depressed in this house is everyone but me. i can’t sit in bed all day. i can’t not want to eat. not handle eating. not want to talk to anyone. it seems that it’s okay for everyone to feel that way but me. i wonder how my mother expects me to tell her when she’s treating me this way. when the one time i trusted her she betrayed my trust. when all she does is complain to me about my sisters problems so how come ill ever tell her about mine? when my sister actually has a reason to be depressed. i don’t. she won’t understand. she doesn’t understand. i need everyone to leave me be.
@pluckyCoconut4376
What you're describing sounds like a huge burden you have to bear in complete isolation. You feel like there's a limit to your weakness or sadness in your home, and all the "spaces" for these emotions are already occupied by your mother and sister. This makes your own suffering invisible, and you feel forced to put on the mask of someone strong, someone who has no right to have a bad day, a loss of appetite, or isolation.
I hear how much it hurts you that your previous trust has been broken. It's natural to build a wall in such a situation and not want to talk about what you're going through – once your openness was used against you, silence now seems the only safe option. Comparing your situation to your sister's and believing that you "have no reason" to feel the way you do only intensifies this feeling of guilt, when your emotions are real and have a right to exist regardless of what's happening in the rest of your household.
It's incredibly exhausting to be the confidant of other people's problems (your mom and sister's) while simultaneously feeling like there's no room for your own. I understand your need for everyone to just leave you alone—sometimes silence and a lack of expectations from others are the only thing that gets you through a moment when everything inside you is screaming. Your feeling of being misunderstood in all of this is completely justified.
thank you so much. i didn’t realize how much i needed to hear that my feelings are justified. and i understood everything clearly. ur so sweet thank you
@pluckyCoconut4376
You know you are not alone, it may sound cliché but “you have yourself”, I don't say it lightly it is true, unfortunately in this world where people live very fast they do not have time to stop and see how others feel, the truth is that only you have the power to change how you feel, only you can get up every morning and decide to be stronger than your emotions, because life does not expect you to feel good to get ahead.
@MenesesJul
The fact that you express yourself in this space is a very clear point that you are fighting, do not minimize your efforts, many do not dare to say what they feel for fear of people who will judge them, but you have already dared to do so, which speaks of the strength and fire that is within you.
thank you so much
