just stuck no matter where i go

i dont know how to start but ive just been totally stuck with this like hopelessness its not sad? its not angry its just numb in a way like something whispering in my ear nothing matters no matter what i do. i recently enrolled in school after years and its even harder than online or not attending school at all..had to go counselling and tested for *** and going home early and of course lots of crying. So whichever way i turn to online schooling, actual schooling, or no schooling at all ill always feel empty. i dont have friends irl because im just really anxious all the time i dont know how to act i feel tensed up all the time. of course i have my online group of people like my girlfriend and friends to stay at least a bit sane but its still hard i dont know why everything feels so hard no matter what i do. i dont even like the people in my school or my country..everyone is so snakey, says slurs they arent allowed to say, rude to me, sends really weird *** in group chats.. like um okay im not okay with any of this but im not up to start saying that to their face so they torment me even more irl while im already a loner. i just wanna graduate..figure my *** out and meet up with my girlfriend at some point if it gets to that. everyones struggling and i find a bit of peace in that like its not me alone that doesnt have my stuff together. i have like 3 projects that are worth alot of points that ive procrastinated for a long time i have little time left but i have no idea what to do..i dont know why im posting this because in my mind im gonna stay stuck in this spot no matter what like life is a jail in itself..but yea i just wanted to express something i guess idk if someone will reply to this. sometimes i think i wouldnt be like this if the world wasnt set up as it is now