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qtaruinket
1 726 M Little Steps
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts122 Forum posts42 Forum upvotes91 Current upvotes91 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMarch 1, 2026
Bio

little old me

Recent forum posts
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how do i help myself?(please read)
Anxiety Support / by qtaruinket
Last post
 7 hours ago
...See more okay to start ive never been diagnosed with anything but all my life since i was a kid i used to say i ws "anti-social","shy" & "introverted" now all my mind lies on is social anxiety. this really showed up for me today because i had a bad day at school and ended up crying a lot. so many teachers came up to me to try to helo but i couldnt get my words out, i have no friends because im quiet and even when i do want to make a friend i cant get myself to get up and talk or introduce myself to them. afterwards my hearts racing. and forbid someone notices im quiet tears immediately stream down my face without a second thought. its not even like i really care but i cry every. single. time. without fail.."talk louder" tears. i feel weak and i used to be even worse before this and many people got angry with me. i was too nervous to say thank you when someone dropped me off and ended up leaving without saying anything, i wouldnt say thank you to anyone in general. because i was too nervous, i didnt know what to do when cashing in stuff. i now know and do those things with a bit more ease. but i still cant get rid of this part of me in school. i transfered alot..no friends. quiet. and peers and teachers all find me rude because of my quiet demeanor i feel like its ruining my life because the truth is it really is. i yearn for friends outside my phone, to have a "real" life but i always crumble at the slightest critical comment and crawl back to my device for comfort, im tired of crying. and i wish i was different but no matter how much i try i cant get past the school stage. im crying right now writing this..i just want help and it wont work with practice i feel like the only thing that could help me is medication. i dont know how itd work or if but im in emotional pain every day because of this stupid thing..i dont even know what to call it. my family tells me nothing might be wrong with me but it doesnt feel that way and im really hurting. theres even nice people i wanna befriend but i cant..
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I dont know what to do!
Depression Support / by qtaruinket
Last post
 Monday
...See more This is a stupid post but my partner is gonna be away for an unknown amount of time and i feel like nothing i mean i usually do without distractions but they were my sigh idk i dont wanna be negative but you can guess what my mind is steering towards
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do i wanna enter this part of my life again
Eating Disorder Support / by qtaruinket
Last post
 August 16th
...See more maybe.
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life is kinda pointless for me
Depression Support / by qtaruinket
Last post
 August 14th
...See more i dont know how to explain this feeling but i cant cry or feel any specific emotion towards it but ive.lost worth or meaning in my life ofc i can maintain my usual personality and not become bitter because of this lack of care i think i felt it heavier than ever when my father sent us to our moms i think i felt a strong sense of being okay with d*ing and i was meant to engage in my unhealthy habits but i kind of felt this peace or no feeling at all? at nothingness, i didnt do anything. just carried on with whatever took me. i cant do that to my partner..d*ing? no. my family? yeah. do i wanna do it..yeah. i cant lie i am feeling a shift in my faith because of how much my religion says or the people say ill go to an eternal pit of fire for loving the same gender.ive in a way? lost all hope.i wont live long..sometimes im not afraid of ***. ill burn forever..whats worse? im tired. and i havent told my partner either ive tried but i kept avoiding it in a way.i still wanna bleh.
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losing faith
The Church Cares / by qtaruinket
Last post
 August 3rd
...See more im a christian cis girl dating an athiest genderfluid person..theyre my partner. so often i see people condemning and hating on lgbtq+ and ik for a fact i would never come out to my family. but when i see all this hate and disgust for people like us and seeing lines like "hate the sin not the sinner" makes my heart physically hurt. all you ever learn is homophobia. my country had a gay pride parade and the comments were just filled with hate i saw only one or two supporting comments and just thinking..if God doesnt accept me and im going to ***..i kinda dont wanna fight it. i catch myself saying "so what if i go to *** for all eternity i can do with the pain." sometimes im ok with it because its basically guaranteed my partner will go to h*** for not believing.theyre an amazing person. but if i went to heaven id forget all about them, my life is just ***.i think about going back to my self destructive habits alot. i barely pray and open my Bible. sometimes if i think about people hating my sexuality i just imagine me e*ding it and making it known it was because of homophobia to make everyone feel horrible. if i cant love who i love honestly why live.
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disgusting past
Depression Support / by qtaruinket
Last post
 August 4th
...See more when i was a child ive no idea if this was before or after my sexual assault but at the age of 9 i did some things disgusting that ill always regret and i find it just horrible but i did sexual stuff with my pets. my sexual ???? i dont know. rose so high around that time i went insane with trying everything.sometimes i catch myself having those thoughts and get sick all over again..id never hurt any animal like that again.
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i dont know what to do.
The Church Cares / by qtaruinket
Last post
 July 25th
...See more im a christian girl. or god fearing more like. recently i got into a well uh a online..lesbian relationship.it [http://relationship.it] hurts so say that but i love my girlfriend so much. shes athiest..im christian. ive spoken and remained open about my religioin with her and shes done the same but i dont know if this is conviction or fear and guilt from what i grew up around. my father tried to "pray" the gayness out of me once and before i dated my girlfriend i guess i thought i was straight i was never really interested in anyone because i never knew anyone to like in the first place. i know i love her but these thoughts keep coming to my mind.."she liked you first what if youre just liking her because she liked you, like you did when you were younger?" "what if this is wrong and you waste your time and end up hurting her" "what if this is a sin." "will i go to ***" "whats my future like" "what if my family finds out" "is this wrong will we even last?" i never thought id be in a position like this and ive stressed to my girlfriend about this but im always thinking. maybe some things make me feel better about it but i was watching this video where so much people were against it and felt like crying again. im so afraid. i feel even a bit afraid to open my bible and speak to God. because im afraid of losing her. but athiest and christian..? im afraid it wont work. and our identities.. ive only trouble with now being "lesbian" while she is kind of secure. i know what i dont want to hear but i cant i wouldnt end it off because..of i dont know i dont i dont know sometimes i feel my faith dwindle.
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