just venting
i wonder sometimes how things could be different. how much my life would have to change so stop feeling this way. the worst part is i don’t think ill ever feel different. no matter what changes. no matter who i swap places with. i always wake up with this numbness? sadness? i don’t even know anymore. nothing i do makes it go away. sure i can distract myself enough for it to quiet down but it never ever goes away. i hate that. sometimes i wish that i had a reason. a reason for me to feel this way. how come i feel so empty when there’s nothing wrong with my life? when people around me have it ten times worse? how do i tell my mom i don’t want to be here anymore when i don’t have a reason to feel that way? it makes me feel so invalidated. i feel like i don’t deserve to feel this way. i don’t deserve anything. i thought that i was a good person. i don’t think that anymore.
@pluckyCoconut4376
You are a good person!
Never think otherwise 💚
Sometimes our thoughts are irrational.
But it doesn't mean, that what you are going through is not valid.
It is 💚
@pluckyCoconut4376 Expectations crush spirits. You expect yourself, others do to, to be a certain way, to do certain things. But they are heavy. I prefer to think of myself as crawling out of a pile of rubble that no one else can quite see and I can't quite explain. Of everything that I 'should have been', which I just finally said 'collapse already, I can't be someone else'. So instead of looking at the skyline of the tall buildings I was supposed to be, I plant small trees, with no expectations. What is the smallest tree I can plant today? Amazing how just a few days starting that way starts to snowball in a good way. What is the smallest tree you can plant today? The forest will be genuine, strong and towering too, just give me time.
