more update-ish rant stuff

(TW)

hey all

i'm so tired of trying.

I miss her, and this is nothing like last time.

at least last time, I could hate the girl who left me with no friends. 

but this time, I can't. 

because she cared about me.

at least I thought.

until I got to be too much.

until I told her about everything that made me miserable.

until it made her miserable whenever she was around me.

I would hear her laugh around other people, and I wanted, so badly, to make her laugh too.

but I guess i'm too broken for that.

I was too broken to make her laugh.

and now I'm too broken to fix myself.

it's starting to show.

one of my other friends, after we were lifting weights in pe, said that I looked sad and tired, and asked why was I sad?

but I knew she wouldn't care

not really

so I made a joke, and said, "I'm sad because I have to lift weights."

people are starting to notice that I slip away to the counselors office all the time.

and I hate being the weird kid with 'issues'.

I hate being watched as I leave the room.

but I just can't do it anymore.

it's so hard.

love to you all.

-angel