y does it hurt

the past few days its like *** keeps happening and its small but all negative. maybe a few bigger stuff but im crying rn cus it just feels like all of it is building inside of me and every little problem i had or have is just here. with me. lingering. is this because i have no therapy? ive gotren none whats wrong with me why am i so sensitive and i cant even use a proper coping mechanism what is wrong with me when my friends ask if im ok i just avoid it because suddenly my reason is stupid. but really it isnt just the ons thing that happened but everything. and my mental state so heavily influences this i just know it. and at the back od my mind i dont wanna get better unless its fatal. unless everyone finds out how bad i really am. oh my gosh. im tired