Depressed and lonely
As i get older, i realise the number of friends i have can be counted with 1 hand. Sometimes, it feels like i only have 1, or none at all. It started back in high school, when I lost my first best friend when she drifted away to new people. I felt lonely in a school where i felt i never belong. I grew up in a mostly Chinese community, but due to the nature of my early education, i don't understand Mandarin, which is what most of my classmates/college mates speak. Different language, different interests, different everything.
After my first lost, i tried to make new friends. I made new best friends, but they all left, either drifted away to new people or shit happened and there's no room for reconciliation.
I learned to be a better person, more honest and understanding, but it was never enough it seems. Last year, i met a new friend who became my partner. She's the best person I've ever known. That same year, i lost a childhood best friend. Again, i learned and tried to be better.
Now, my partner broke up with me. She said we'd still be friends and hangout as always. I thought losing the relationship wouldn't be so bad if we could remain as buddies. But no. I tried to keep it together, but she drifted away.
Losing her as my best friend has crushed me more than anything. I know friends are seasonal, but I've lost so many dear to me, often I'm left behind. It makes me think I'm not worth it.
I'm depressed and lonely. I wish i have friends.
@TheRedCanary
I know what feeling not worth it is like, and I know it sucks. But don't you DARE believe it. Your thoughts are not always true. They do not make you who you are. They don't become more true the more you think them. You are deserving of friends and you're lucky to have had the ones you've had. I know it must have been so hard to lose them. But you can learn from those experiences. And there is always more room for new friends.
It must be hard to try and make more though, if you don't speak their language. Perhaps try finding someone who speaks English? Or you could always try learning Mandarin. As someone who is learning it herself, it can be confusing at times, but you'll catch on quickly. Some parts of Mandarin are actually quite simple, more so than English.
And don't think just because you can't get something, or can't hold on to it, that you're not worth it or deserving of it.
When you find someone, things will become a lot easier. Maybe they'll introduce you to their friends and your friend group will grow! You'll have someone to talk to about this, who can make you feel better.
I know some things are holding you back, but you are strong and you can handle them. Once these obstacles are out of the way and dealt with, you'll feel so much better about yourself, knowing you can do it.
💗💗💗
Move to a small town with a tight knit community or find a hobby club or some hangout...
Lasting friends were formed in the past due to the lack of movement.. You only had the people you could reach thus were more motivated to keep those friendships and nurture them... Now we live in an age where you can get from one side of the world to the next in a manner of hours and work is always on the move.. There is no job security or at least less than ever before, thus nothing to keep people in one place for too long.
You cant change that, its already a part of this nu age.. Our hardware still works with the old software of socialization but the world has moved on. Behold the age of renta friend XD
@ArachnoChronos On the upside this movement has enabled people to find likeminded people to be friends with.. SO its not all bad..
I constantly feel abandoned and lonely. I have a good life, yet I feel the need to get attention from men. Specifically one, and now he ignores me. I know I should not feel this way but I do. My heart aches constantly unless I'm talking to someone. I am just a mess and I don't know how to express it or handle it. Especially if I went to therapy. I have had bad experiences with therapy and am terrified of the doctors. This post is all over the place I am sorry I just don't know what / how to say it.
You may find that a material object my help, like a lucky charm. I have a close friend who I miss a lot, but it makes me feel better to wear the sweater I wore the first time he helped me through a panic attack. It not only helps me feel less alone, but also helps with my anxiety.
find someone that you care about and carry around something that reminds you of them. When you miss them, hold the item (or maybe squeeze the fabric if it's clothing. I like to play with the strings of the sweater.)
