Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I feel like the garbage I am. I feel terrible. Haven't consumed anything but a homemade smoothie..a piece of cake and a sandwich. And its currently 1827..I've basically eaten nothing. I don't think I've had any water. I was feeling a bit better after I woke up the second time this morning..I had a dream about my boyfriend.. And it made me smile. I had another so-called "friend" leave me today. He's the 4th. But I just blsme myself. I blame myself for everything. To cope with not actually bleeding I usually will just let fake blood or red food coloring drip on me. It really makes me feel better. I've just been listening to ssd music for the past few hours. I've only left my room if my mom called me. I don't wanna sleep tonight but I probably should with the way I'm feeling. I just need a 3 week long hug. My boyfriend and I aren't there yet..one of my code friends who gave the best hugs graduated. And my other friend isn't feeling great..but he gives like bro hugs. I'm just...not ok today..at all.

I woke up this morning crying and didn't want to get out of bed.felt angry and annoyed with my partner told him to go.then started to calm down felt happier my mood is constantly up and down.he said he's not giving me sympathy and feeling sorry for me I don't want that from anyone I just want help!

Once again I'm talking myself into being healthy and positive because I feel so much anxiety and burden. I'm more aware of my triggers. At least I'm learning.

I feel like my thoughts about what I really want to do are becoming clearer and clearer.

My body feels like I've cried, but it was 24 hours since I did. I've been awake for 8 hours and done almost nothing, yet I feel like it's been a long day of work.

I'm sleepy, tired, I can't even walk, my head is hurting and turning, I just want to sleep and cry

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was sad and angry at the world for waking me up. I've been wanting this week to end ever since it began. I'm slowly getting sick and my friends are treating me like I deserve to be quarantined. I don't like it and I've told them that, it's just triggering me. I don't want to be alone, I don't think I can. It's rainy and gross which makes things even worse.

Can it be Friday yet? I just need my four day weekend.

I went back to school today. I talked to some people in my class that I hadn't really had a conversation with before and it was actually super uplifting. I think I need to put more effort into making conversation, because even though it seems like a big task to me sometimes, it's worth it in the end.

I feel invisible

What is life? Why live? There is no reason to want to live.