Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I cried earlier because I was missing someone and didn't do( or have the urge really badly ) anything to self harm so now feeling proud

I feel like shit. My boyfriend is at a prom party right now . It's our 5th month anniversary and he didn't even tell me happy anniversary. He's out at the party and prom parties are crazy. I feel like he's cheating on me or getting twerking on or something. I wanna cut so bad and my anxiety is getting worse. If there's a listener reading this..please help me.

It feels futile like most other days. I have accomplished nothing today. I have more homework than ever and I don't know why it's worth it. Every weekend is the same. Nothing changes. I wake up at noon, do my work, go back to sleep or sit in bed. I wish I had energy to appreciate anything. Maybe then, I could have friends or do things like normal people. Today was depressing. Today was the usual.

I feel okay. Not too bad and not too good. I am also feeling slightly anxious and worried about my future. But these feelings are not overwhelming. I feel in control of my thoughts and feelings.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go what's hurting me. Its been 5 years and nothing has changed. Just one blink, Im already a mother of 2 and I'm only 21. I just don't understand...... Why would you even messed up a womans life?? ......... Why would you even do that???

I feel just as I do every day. Overwhelming totally alone and if I am not feeling that I can't feel anything at all.

How do I actually feel today

I feel incredibly confused. Why you may wonder? Because I can't understand why I can't have common happiness, I can't understand what I've don't to deserve such misery; I can't understand why I can't just be happy.

Why is my life so difficult? I cry and cry... Constantly. I cry myself to sleep daily. I really cannot control the raging emotions. I just feel helpless.

I feel really unmotivated and I just can't do anything productive. I have ambition but I just can't achieve anything. I felt as though I will never be successful, ever. Thoughts about my future flood my mind.

Overall, I just feel fed up.

I feel like if I never did anything productive again, it wouldnt be that bad. If I just ran away from everything it wouldnt bother me. I feel no obligation to acomplish anything or to acheive the goals I once had. And today I feel like anything more than staring into space is just too much effort for what its worth.

So this is my first post... How do I actually feel today? I feel like I'm about to lose my balance while walking on a balancing beam. I've been trying to keep my thoughts in line. I've been trying to be positive. I've been trying to accept things I can't change. But I feel like I'm on the edge again. I feel like this often. Most of the time I recover from my wobble. But I don't know how many more times I can recover. Its tiring. I kinda feel like I just want to let go and fall. I've been fighting the urge to cut very often lately. I've been trying to convince myself that my depression isn't so bad. I can deal with it. But I don't know. I want to talk to someone I know but I don't want them to worry or think less of me. I feel quite alone. I've been so unproductive and work is just piling up. Every week it's the same. I feel so hopeless.

It's hard to say what I am actually feeling as I am not quite so sure myself. I feel as though my depression is taking over everything I do. I always convince myself that my depression is either non existent or is not that bad but lately it's been harder and harder to convince myself of that. I haven't cut myself in a very long time, from somewhere last year and yesterday was the first time I had done so since and although it felt calming the regret soon followed and everything I was feeling came rushing back. Right at this moment I feel almost numb. I know that I should speak to someone, however it is not always easy doing so. This is the first time I have posted online about my depression and its almost as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Letting everything out in the open. Though the days have been bad I'm still hopeful of trying to get better.