Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Im drowning in my mind giving my headaches headaches.. looking at walls.. looking at nothing..

I've always felt worthless, like everything I do doesn't matter. I do think about suicide but I would never actually do it. I know i am surrounded by a family that loves me and i have a daughter that i love more than anything in the world but that doesn't even motivate me. Nothing in this world feels right to me. I feel like i don't belong anywhere. I've never felt pride for anything good I've done. I just look at my mistakes. It's like there's a voice in my head telling me that it's useless to try, I'm gonna mess up somehow anyways. Sometimes I pull myself out of it but it never really goes away.

hi - i just joined 7 cups and not really sure how to start off...

but i cannot imagine being any more depressed and empty than i do right now - and i don't see any way that it's going to ever change. i'm the only person that's going to be able to fix me and i just don't think i have the strength or motivation. i have no hope.

Im feeling so bad today!! I actually think this is one of the most difficult days I have ever had, today my mom decided to send me to a psychiatric for more than a month, they're going to try to make me understand how valuable I am and stuff but to be honest I don't think that's the solution. I just feel so alone! I don't know if I'm going to be strong enough to handle this....

I always just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I'm just worried that my parents will notice that I'm sad. I don't want them to worry about me.

I feel terrible today and I don't know why. I had a couple of really great, high functioning days and that's just making it worse that I can't get out of bed today. I'm so worried about so many things that will be happening in the next week and I know it's just going to get worse over the next couple of days.

I feel like I am a ghost. Like I am only going through the motions of my life while everyone else gets to live theirs and be happy. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a dark pit. I want to get better to have a chance to have my relationship and life back. I just want to be me again.

I feel like I'm so sick to my stomach and I have something in me and I just want to throw it up.

Tired and scared, but strong as hell.

I feel the results of being judged because of my gender. I felt connected in a chat room with someone I see here regularly. When the question about my gender arose, this person said she remembered my saying I was female, when in fact I have never revealed my gender at this site. This is done intentionally. Why? because I wish to exclude myself from the usual internet sex-talk that happens even here at 7Cups. My decision about this creates a rather interesting result because it gives people a great deal of space in which to decide who and what I am based on their personal needs and beliefs. Some decide I am female. Others believe I am male. I will not be locked into a pattern of "standard behavior" expectations based on gender!

As a result, this person may be experiencing confusion and mistrust of me from this point onward as is appears she (self-identified) has withdrawn from our mutual responsiveness. I am truly sorry if I have caused her discomfort. Perhaps our community is not ready to accept someone who no longer identifies gender as the most important trait in a person.