Hello All

Hi, my name is Lindsay. I have recently stopped taking [medication name and dosage expunged by Forum admin ladylazarus 1971] daily for 2 years... don't worry.. i didn't cold turkey it. Took me 5 months to wean off of it) and I think this is where this anger is coming from possibly. I've always been the quiet, passive person who could let things go and move on. But now, it's like I "woke up" and realize that the world (or more-so the people in the world) are completely idiotic and I am sick of it.

I yelled at a man (he is in his late 40's and I am in my mind 20's) yesterday because he kept talking about how terrible this work meeting was going to be and how he didn't understand it and I tried to explain why HR was having this meeting but he kept talking over me just saying the same thing over again. So... I told him that he needed to shut up and deal with it. He looked surprised I would say something like that but I told him that there was no point in talking to him anymore if he was just going to talk over me. He said "I'm sorry" and walked away.

I use to feel terrible about even thinking something like that. But afterwards, I didn't care, just kept working. I've been thinking about it some since then and feel a little guilty because he was just trying to be friendly, but I still don't care as much as I think I should.

Apart from that, I find myself feeling like I'm about to explode trying to refraine from telling someone that they are stupid. I keep thinking of ways that I can find something to destroy, a tree to take an axe to, etc. I use to cut my upper thigh occassionally and that made me feel better (like I was releasing this pent up energy and that i could finally relax) but I can't do that anymore.

I just know that I feel usless most of the time and that I don't feel like my life is going anywhere and then I get really upset and angry about it and need to take it out on something. I've never hurt people or animals, nor do I intend to. I'm just... tired I think. Tired of not saying what's on my mind and not being able to say what's on my mind wothout getting interupted or or disrespected by someone and feeling like shit after and like I've done somethinng wrong for thinking or saying something.