Hopefully this helps me (just venting)
Not sure where to begin with this really. To say I feel stupid about writing this is an understatement. I really do not like to share with people how I feel, I guess i just don't expect them to understand or really care. It's more that I just feel like the person who is listening does not care in the slightest and that I'm just being silly and selfish. I'm a girl, 19, I haven't spoken to anybody about how I feel, I tell my friends and family on a very vague level but have never gone into detail or opened up. I couldn't even open up with people who are qualified to provide counseling, I just can't do it. I have met people who I feel i could probably open up to but, I never have or something happens that makes me immediately change my mind.
So, seeing as on here nobody can see me andnobody knows me i guess it will just make me feel like someone out there has listened and acknowledged me. Thank you stranger :)
To be honest I don't even know what's wrong with me. When i think way back, I started to feel like this in Primary, quite a bit in high school but more noticeably when I was in college. It's hard to describe but, the feeling of worthlessness, loneliness and disgust in myself is so strong that I have to go and lay down in bed. A million and one thoughts of why no one likes me, why I can't get closed to people just rush through my head, giving me a slight headache. As I right this, today has just been a downhill experience. Apart from actual events that have decreased my mood but, at this time I can't help but feel like my life has no purpose, no meaning. What am I actually doing?
Being at university has been tough, I have made friends, tried new things and enjoyed them but, at the end of the day I just feel the same. Empty.
I could never tell my sister, mum or bestfriends this. They'd probably think I'm overreacting. And that's what I feel like a counselor would say. In a way I feel like I am overreacting as there are people out there actually going through horrible experiences that affect them deeply and here I am just moping. So, I don't want to say I'm depressed but I can't think of anything else it could be. Am I lazy? Tired? I don't know. I'm just fed up.
The amount of days here at university where I have just stayed away from everyone, the world because, I feel like my presence will ruin everyone's day. That I won't enjoy anything. That there is no point trying to do anything (eating, opening the curtains) because, it is a waste and I'm not worth it.
I have friends, yet I feel like I have none. It makes no sense but, I feel so lonely, There are acquaintances, friends, close friends and best friends. I feel like an awful person because, I can't even confide in my best friends and tell them how I feel. Which is why I feel so lonely.
I do like to spend times alone, enjoying my own company but, sometimes I realise that is just an excuse i tell myself because I'm just avoiding other people.
I know that the friends I have made at university aren't really my friends, as much as I get on with them. They say they are my friends and plan to do this and do that with me but, never follow through. they lie. Even when I have taken a huge step and tried to set something up myself I get shut down and I know this is a reason why I don't like talking to people about myself. Because they will listen and then just disappear and I'm just stuck back where I started. I love to help other people, so listening to there problems is fine but sometimes I feel like I should input something about myself, I just don't. They won't care. This isn't about me. I'm not important.
I've become that person that people can go to to rant and vent at. I'm happy that they feel better afterwards but, deep down I envy that they can so easily open up and share their thoughts and feelings and what'shappening in their life.It makes me angry. I could be getting help but, I just won't allow myself to.
Who cares how i feel? I'm nobody.
As I write this, I feel like my head is getting crushed. An achy headache. Perhaps from lack of sleep or food but, i don't feel like its helping me to write on here. I feel the same as I did when I started. It makes me want to cry that I have no one to call, no one to talk to when surrounded my so many people. I'm hungry, I'm tired and I feel sick. But I'm not going to do anything about it. It's stupid and I know it but, I just can't seem to find any motivation. I'm not worth it.
You are worth it! You are a beautiful person who is going to have a positive effect on the world. Just take one day at a time and try to do as much as you can handle. I too have had very low lows. It does get better. I also try to find something I like and try to get back into it. I try to do something for myself. Can you try to do one thing? You can do this! It's not just in your head and you are not overreacting. I understand you. Just try to do one thing.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now, we met at 14 and I am now 17, he is 19. Everything was great in the beginning, but some where around the second year my parents forbid me from seeing him, but unfortunately, I had given him my virginity so I was way to in love to know how to stay away from him we have actually been sneaking around for 2 years now, and I'm very disappointed in my self, but I honestly don't know how to live without him and now, he's very verbally abusive and and SOME times physical. He lies all the time and when I get angry he gets more angry, so I always end up apologizing we have a few good times and those are usually the ones I hold on to, but the majority of them are me kissing his butt and being treated like his slave. I DO love him and sometimes when we have good days I feel like he's "changing back to his good ways" but never does I'm very very depressed now and actually have been taking the pain pills I'm prescribed to kinda "ease" the anxiety I am very lost and really don't know what to do.
Just to let you know.. I feel the same way, you are NOT alone & I wish I would know you so I can have somebody I can relate to.. Hang on there, you're really strong!
I am very emotional and I self diagnosed myself to be seasonally depressed and it's very hard but you know it's good
Hi my names Paige and I'm 16 and a junior in high school I relate to u a lot I feel like we're going though the same thing I find I have no motivation anymore to do anything and as of right now my life has no meaning and is pretty pointless and I don't wanna admit I'm depressed because it think it's more like very dramatic mood swings but my mom thinks I need help but I refuse to get any I'm pretty normal life a great life I'm wealthy and pretty and popular yet I hate my life and myself and feel guilty constantly because of it I have lots of friends but I don't truley care about any of them and Feel extremely Lonley most of the time and feel like I can't talk to anyone about anything without being judged
Paige again... I think I struggle with my body Image a lot I was always fat as a kid and chubby going into middle school and two years ago I lost so much weight they're were rumors going around that I was anorexic but I wasn't and than I began to eat again not wanting people to think I was and a couple months later when I realized I started to gain weight back I started making myself throw up and was bulimic on and off for about 4 months I finally got over it and became a health freak and would run and work out everyday and was also a vegan and so content and happy most of the time with my body and than recently this winner I'm not sure how it happened but exactly but I didn't work out one day and than I didn't work out two days and than I didn't work out for a week and than I didn't work out for a month and at first I couldn't see a did fence until I realized not a single pair of my jeans or shorts fit me anymore when I was going on vacation and once I realized that I became so upset and disgusted with myself I just decided I was hopeless and began eating anytime i felt like I was gonna explode sitting around watching tv not going out because I was so self contious of my body And as of right now I've gained 30 pounds since this summer and basically just feel hopeless like i will never get back to how I used to look and because of that I'm missing out on certain events in my life..... 113pounds--145pounds