I feel unconfident, lonely, unsociable
Hello, I am 20 years old and I am a student in Computer Science (second year). I have always been a pessimistic person, with little confidence in myself, and I also had very few friends till now. Even though highschoolwas a little better, because I made some friends, I was still a very depressed person. I have also suffered from OCD for a period of time (I don't think it had completely disappeared, but it had changed to something more acceptable or so I think..which is the desire for perfection). Still, this had made me so competitive that I think it is destroying me piece by piece. I am unable to get a relationship with a guy (I had only one till now and it lasted no more than a month), I am not confident in myself, because I see all the people around me that are so smart and seem to handle everything so well and easy, while I try so hard to make only a small thing work.
I have recently gained an internship at a company, but I am unable to fulfill my duty, because I don't know what to do, I don't understand these things and I don't know where to start from. I see everyone around me so happy and able to complete their tasks, while I am not able to do a small part of it. I am afraid to ask, because I will look stupid, especially because these things have been explained to me at the beginning.
I can't stop thinking that I am not suited for this domain and that I am stupid because I cannot do what people around me do so easily. I feel very down and can't realize what to do in order to become more positive and gain more confidence in myself.
You are probably suited for your domain and I wouldn't compare yourself to any other person. Like you, I suffer from a mental illness. I have bipolar and I am unable to handle certain kinds of stress. I hope I helped you in any way.
Thank you for you support. It makes me feel a little bit better knowing that there are people who care about others and try to make them feel better.
I can definitelyunderstand how you feel. My girlfriend has a lot of trouble in math class and she feels like she is always the stupidest person in the room. I can try to convince her otherwise, because it's not true and I'm sure this is the same case with you. I'msure you are smart. If you could get that far, you've done pretty good, and you shouldn't think otherwise. If you don't know what to do, just ask, she suffers the same problem because she is "shy" around other people (she blames it on her anxiety).
I am very shy too and I tend to keep everything to myself, especially when I am around other people. No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself to trust anyone completely.
@Greenbubble, i have recently been told by a person that i work with that i am pretty patient, then i had a guard tell me yesterday that it seems like nothing bothers me because i always look the same. This summer i was diagnosed with major depression, ptsd, grief and a couple other things. I guess what im trying to say is that others may think i look fine, but my mind is saying something different. These people may feel a lot like you but just hide it well.
I am pretty sure you are right, but they still manage to do their job, whereas I cannot, because I keep pushing myself back. I don't trust myself at all, no matter whether I manage to do something right or not.
I am sorry to hear about your problem. I hope you are better now.