Just a farce

I don't even remember when it started. I've frequently wonder whether I have depression. It's gotten worse in the past few months. Things that used to interest me lacklustre. Most mornings when I wake up I wish I hadn't. I go through everyday tasks on autopilot.

I've never told anyone about this. Because I'm afraid that they won't take me seriously. Or worse, they'll be afraid of me.

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A friend of mine was telling a group of us about her friend who got dumped. He called her up saying that he was having suicidal thoughts. Everyone laughed, I followed. One person said, "I glad I don't have friends like that."

Someone else told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend. He confessed that he was depressed & was on anti-depressants. She said that she didn't want him to weigh her down.

Both occassions, I felt a stab in my heart.

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Some people might tell me that I should seek help. But I'm too embarrassed (& scared). I'm hoping that one day it'll just go away on its own. Or maybe I'll just learn to live with it.