My personal struggle with depression. Share your story struggling with depression here! All welcome

I was 13 when I began to suffer from depression. I would have crying spells in school and I would not be interested in the activities that I once loved. I was on a medication for it, but I could not remember the name of it. It made me drowsy and more depressed so I had to be taken off of it. During my high school years, I still felt depressed because I was tease and bullied by my other classmates for being smarter than them or more reserved to myself. I have Pervasive Developmental Disorder so I am autistic. I felt nobody understood me and nobody wanted me as no guys asked me out and I was never asked to the prom. I was voted homecoming queen by my classmates, but it did not really give me the attention that I desired afterwards.

My depression got a little worse when I started college the third time around. I went to a technical college for Medical Office Administration. I felt my classmates were more immature than me. They always left me out of everything and my college was more like a party school in a way. I was humiliated by my instructor during a Psychology class and it was at that point that I felt worthless. Fortunately, my instructor stopped bullying me during class, but then I was humiliated by another instructor several semesters later. I graduated from college and I no longer speak to any classmates or instructors. I now suffer from depression and anxiety. I no longer trust people.

I preferer live in my bedroom with all close and talk to anyone, don't go to college, see friends, watch something. I only want to take medicines and sleep all day because that way my time of my death will come fast

My struggle with depression is about 5 years old. I am in a wheelchair, with inability to feel my lower body, so sat in the same position too long to study, and my bum and leg ripped completely open, to the bone, which later gave me MRSA. I was in college, having been raised to know that decent grades are FAR more important than health. An INdecent grade later, I had a critical final, which doctors tried to order me to skip but I'm glad I didn't. Making things worse was trying to catch up online in a boring, sleep-inducing format while serving part of my life sentence to bedrest while on sleep-inducing IV antibiotics. I'd flunk if I didn't stop, so my family convinced me to appeal for Medical Sabbatical. I did, and after year 1, was pushed to come back although not well enough. Now, here I lie with "that little voice inside" having told me to drop out of college and throw my calling in the garbage. I did (not formally yet, though I should have made it official, but in my heart), and here I am. I should've graduated from undergraduate studies, visited my chosen Law School and taken the LSAT by now but, instead, I am slowly dying inside and trying to convince myself to go back and undo the lie about grades over health, instead gently telling myself that grades are useless when you find yourself resting comfortably in a CASKET because of poor selfcare.

Two and a half years ago when I realized that the career I spent 30 years preparing for no longer existed and that no one wanted to read what I had written or hear what I had to say.

I've been dealing with depression as long as I can remember. I was severely emotionally and physically abused as a child by my mother. Father alcoholic, lot of fighting there, too, until he left and never came back. Mother bipolar, depressed, etc. Dirt poor, hungry half the time. Teased and bullied without mercy at school. It was bad, really bad. When your own mother tells you she wishes you were never born, that gives you a hint what it was like. Beat the hell out of my brother and I with anything she could get her hands on when she got in her moods, but mostly on me. Locked my brother and I out of the house one time in winter without coats. Made me eat a bar of soap once, made me pretty sick. She dropped me on my head on the porch when I was a baby. Broke my collar bone when I was a baby. And she was a man hater. It goes on. My brother was the family favorite, he didn't catch as much grief as I did. The family did everything for my brother that they could, but I was out of luck. They didn't like me because they hated my father. I could do no right, I was never good enough, etc. And I'm a short, skinny dude, so I didn't have the weight to hold my own very well, so I was a prime target for victimisation. And she was controlling. She was the queen. I'm 50 now, and occasionally I will get a flashback. Those are fun. They come out of nowhere like a train, it just hits you. For years I had blocked out a large part of my childhood. Still a lot I don't remember.

I always liked funerals over weddings. Death doesn't bother me because it is the inevitable end we all share and it is the only true escape from life. Any time people are at funerals I seen it as people sobering up and coming together more so than any other time and they let their true feelings out. To me weddings are an excuse for people to get drunk and make idiots of themselves around people they know and have a valid excuse to do so just to put on a fake smile. Back more on topic, I just feel cold and empty; alienated from everyone else. I wouldn't even call most people my peers, I have no emotional connection to my relatives, positive anyways, it's just biological connection to me. I try to act normal and I want to know what happiness and love feel like again but I haven't felt either in 15 years and have no way to work on it. I know if I met someone interested in me and could put up with my baggage enough I might have a chance but the odds of that happening is almost as microscopic of a chance of letting them in in the first place. I never let anyone in because I know what I am capable of and I don't want to hurt anyone. Letting someone in on that level exposes some of your darker nature, which I've locked away for a good purpose. I know just locking it up and hoping it goes away won't help anything, I was just hoping that I could get something good enough in my life that I could use to at least have a chance against it.

When my son was born and his first breath was his last

My depression really began to trigger when I began to deal with racism and comments about my body. To this day I still have these insecurities and often triggers social anxiety and issues with relationships.

When I was seven my dad had said some hurtful things due to hormonal inbalances due to a toumor then 4 years later my mom lost my baby sister due to the same genetic problem that took my little brother

Just this month the only person who knew to comfort rather than question died on my little brothers birthday I was already struggling with depression before my grandpa died but now its different I can feel but I just can't show it I can cry but must be silent he was the only person who knew how to make me feel better

I started noticing depression when I realized some of my best friends weren't there for me like i thought they were. Three years now and the episodes are occurring more and more frequently. I feel very alone most of the time.