My personal struggle with depression. Share your story struggling with depression here! All welcome

I've been dealing with depression since I was child. I've had episodes since then. Cannot get out and things don't look any better ahead. Is not terribly bad I guess since I've been dealing with it somehow but it doesn't go away.

When I returned home from England or maybe in England

My worst struggles started when I was in the same house as someone who judged me negatively no matter what I was doing and it had lasting effects afterward I needed to learn how to let go of. Another few things happened which caused a sort of PTSD reactions which drained my energy from all the anxiety using it up so fast every day. Also seasonal affective disorder is a large part of what affects it.

Now I'm on meds and doing mindfulness exercises every day which have helped letting go of persistent thoughts that would escalate anxiety so much. It has improved a great deal and now I'm able to focus on being creative again which I'd lost ability to do for far too long.

I'm not sure when it started. There was the normal teenage depression/angst. No one understands us, we're alone, blahblah. But real depression started during my last relationship, which I'm out of, now. Lately, I've been feeling pretty great. I just have to get court over with :) Taking me to court over custody for the child he never cared about is his last-ditch effort to torture me.

When I was bullied in elementary school, and my teachers and principal didn't give a damn.

My mom wishing I was never born.

I always had it but didn't get help until recently :/

August 17, 2002. 8:30 a.m. Sunny.

At the second grade hallway of my elementary school, where the special classes are also held, not just second grade classes. The minute I walked in the second to last door of the hallway. Already got shoved aside. That was when I was the new girl in that school in SC. One of the very first triggers to depression as my rejections from other peers were almost everyday. Until 5th grade most of my days consisted of doing schoolwork not in my grade level; instead I get work the one below mine, being overlooked and teased for no legit reason, the admins thinking I act younger than my respective grade levels til after 4th grade, and ohmygod I can't describe anymore of the horror.

Can't forget all of this. Can't overcome it. Still scarred from having to be put in the same special ed room for several years, and my mom was against that, one of the best things she's ever done was defend my intelligence and get the staff to get me in mainstream courses. Didn't work though cos they said no.

Luckily, I was in mainstream classes in middle school. Same with high school, but the depression and anxiety already increased by then due to my lost popularity and my classmates going distant on me (prob cos high school is a new start) by freshman year.

When my parents separated in 2007 I didn't really see my h of my brother on my fathers side. And as much as otried to make my father happy through grades and making his new girlfriend happy I never felt like I was enough. When my now step Mom came into my life it changed so much I turned to books. There were nights I slept on my floor, nude, because she made me feel like I didn't belong in this world. I'm worthless at times to her even today. All my scars are almost gone and my head is trying to stay above water.

I'm not so sure when it started, because i think it took a long long time for me to realize and to acknowledge what was going on with me. Last year (after having hormonal problems, and start taking birth control) i felt like everything was out of control, I had several panic attacks, i had depressive crisis that lasted weeks in which the hardest thing to do was getting out of the bed and resisting the urge to cry without a reason. I don't know with certainty the root of my problems but i'm pretty convinced that a huge part of the problem has to do with my hormones in some way. Unfortunately doctors are sometimes really close minded and just want to fill you up with pills.