New Here

Hello everyone. I am a 30 year old female and suffer from severe depression. I am currently on meds and in therapy. In addition to that I also spend a good deal of time reading self help books, practicing/studying CBT, journaling, and any other resource I can grasp to help me. I've struggled with depression on and off since I was a teen. I grew up in less than ideal circumstances. I ended up leaving home at 16 and have been on my own since. I am divorced and have 2 children. Ages 8 and 10. I'm now engaged but fear marriage will never actually happen. I've been through counseling and on/off meds for over 10 years. I've never stuck with anything. About 18 months ago my depression came knocking on the door again. How or why I'm not sure. However...here it is. Since then I've hit rock bottom and every aspect of my life is in turmoil. My relationship is almost destroyed, my house and work life are chaotic and messy, I have little interest in anything, and most days don't want to get out of bed. I decided a few weeks ago though that getting better was my ONLY option. Due to my children I won't end my life. I can't live like this. So getting better it is. I just hope my relationship can survive long enough for me to get to a place of peace.