New here...just looking for friends...having a hard time...

Hi all. I just joined this site yesterday...

I don't technically know if I have depression, though I'm sure I do, as well as anxiety. I was also told by my high school guidance counselor (16 years ago lol) that I "probably have PTSD" following my mother's passing. I've never seen a therapist, but with my current situation, I signed up for one through this site, & made an appoinement to see someone Monday. I'm very scared, but I know I have to.

Brief summary of my current situation : About 7 years ago, I realized I probably do have PTSD (or something) because a whole bunch of bad memories from my childhood came flooding into the forefront of my mind; it was just before the 10 year anniversary of my mom's passing. About 4 years ago, my father had a stroke & lung cancer; I don't have any family around to help, so I've been helping him by myself for the most part, trying not to run myself into the ground. He's a lot to deal with, mentally, as he's an alcoholic & his mind isn't too great anymore (he's 78). He was also a bit of a hoarder, so I have a lot of cleaning to do. It never stops. Most recently, my fiance of 11 years just up & left a few days ago. I absolutely did not see it coming. We never fought before all this. He said he needs to get away, be alone, & work on himself. Which I understand; I just can't believe he'd drop me on my ass like this. We're still talking a little bit, but he feels too guilty to talk to much. He keeps saying he's sorry for doing this to me, but he doesn't wanna work on it together. He's happier away from this house, & my father.

Anyway... I'm very lonely, & have a lot of weight on my shoulders. I'm just hoping to get to know some people, & make some new friends, cuz I don't have any irl. I was too focused on my relationship & all of my responsibilities with my father. So, hello kind souls. I've been lurking in the chatroom a little, but I haven't been able to say anything. I'm very compassionate because I've been through quite a bit in my life, so I tend to be the type of person who loves to help anyone & everyone, but I need that kind of help myself right now. I think I'm gonna like this site... I hope to be able to be a helper someday...

Thanks for reading