Not good enough
Hide and seek is a game I play with myself everyday. I hide my pain and seek temporary happiness. I'm 19, you can call me "My". I feel like I'm the cause of everything that goes wrong in my life. And that I'm never good enough. I don't need a guy to complete me but when i have a boyfriend I feel the happiest. It hard for me to move on from thing .. I cry a lot and i feel like no one is here to pat me on my back and genuinely encourage me. I don't trust anybody I feel like everyone lies . When my friends say I'm pretty... I don't believe them because I feel like they say that cause I'm their friend and they don't want to hurt my feelings. Every guy I involve myself with always do me wrong and I try my best to be the best girlfriend I can but I'm never good enough.. My biggest fears are that I'll never become a RN, I'll never become a mother, I'll never become a wife and the biggest fear of them all is that i won't make it to heaven.... Those are the things that I care about most ! But I'm not good enough for a guy because something happens to where they never want to commit so with that being said how could I ever become a wife and mother! I took a semester off from school to work .. How could I become a RN by doing that !? And I've sinned so much I just pray god forgives me.. I fear being alone , being nothing. I want to mean something to someone.. I want to feel loved beyond measures.. I'm in a dark place and I'm not happy.
@DamagedDiamond Wow. It's surpising how much I can relate to everything you feel. So many times I have laid in my bed wishing not to do anything because I feared making any decision would yet again be the wrong decision. As a Christian there are times I feel unworthy of God's love and mercy. When I was in middle school I remember looking at a group of giggling girls wondering if I will ever be happy. I admit that I still have moments where I ponder if it possible for me to be happy. I fear being alone though that's all my depression does. Forces me to be and feel alone. All I want in life is to be happy and recieve the affection I constantly crave by at least one person.
You know what My? You have made one great choice. It's the choice to come on this website and get some help. Also God has already forgiven all your sins and he loves you to death. You know what I have learned over the past month? He wants you to be happy. He has already healed your mental pains and phsyical ones if there are any. It only matter in believing that God loves you and have forgiven you. And having faith that he is here for you. Which is a lot harder than it sounds (trust me I know). Building that kind of faith takes time (again trust me I know). I also wouldn't worry about getting a husband at the moment. Your mental health is more important than marriage. Plus how can you love someone else when you don't love yourself? How can you make someone else happy when you can't make yourself happy?
And just one more thing. I don't know you. I never met you and probably never will meet you. However I care for you and will pray for/with you. Message me any time. Can't promise to have all the answers, but I promise to have empathy.
@LainaghStory thank you ! You are completely right I just have to take it one step at a time. And I know healing takes time but I'm just so impatient and so tired of feeling this way that i look for things to happen right then and there.
@DamagedDiamond I hope everything will work out for you one day. Also remember that there are a lot people on 7cups that support you.
