One thing I am feeling sad about today is...
I just fought with my only friend. She seems to be doing good communicating with her other friends but for me its different, being the introvert that I am, I don't have someone to talk to or spend time with.
That I am a fucking bad writer but I have no other passion than just writing.
That I want to mend/reconcile my friendship with my best friends, but as I am being shunned; I'm not allowed to :(
Instead the assumption that I am a monster and a horrible person just continues to stand and I am forever banished no matter what :(
I had very little money to do laundry today, so I ended up putting a little too much into one washer- it burnt out during the spin cycle and one of the people who runs the place treated me like an idiot while also informing me that it didn't matter that I didn't have a lot of money, it was still my own fault for damaging the machine. She was disgusted and exasperated as she took all of my laundry out of the broken machine, even though I told her several times that I could do it myself.
It doesn't matter that I've gone to this place for ever seven years. I still got to fight off frustrated tears as I rewashed my clothes and wasted my remaining quarters. I still feel awful.
Feeling unloved and unsupported
Anxiety, depression and autism.
The 3 reasons why my best friends now shun me :(
I find it difficult to understand why a friend/friends would shim you or anyone fo those reasons .
I've been going through it recently. My fiance and I have been fighting pretty consistently. We have so much pressure on our shoulders with moving and hating our jobs and the holidays coming up and trying to plan a fucking wedding. Wedding planning has been bringing up childhood trauma regarding the way my parents act toward one another and us kids about money. Not to mention that my fiance and I are coparenting ourselves and his ex-wife is currently moving in and soo the kids are blending families and moving homes at both houses and it's a lot of stress for them. All these moving parts make my anxiety go into overdrive. I've had conflict with my Mom and with my fiance around trying to wedding plan. It just feels like everyone is annoyed with me all the time. Like no matter what I do it's either too much or too little. I've been seesawing between manic and depressed rapidly and in general just doing a lot of crying in the bathroom or my car. We're not drinking right now so I really have no way to numb it all.
My dad being ill, feeling I have no one to talk to and overwhelmed.
Im sad i dont feel sad. Im dont feel sad. I feel sorry for my self. But not sad. I feel sorry for my self because i dont feel sad.
