One thing I am feeling sad about today is....{share here}
I feel like i have no control over my emotions or who i am. I cry for no reason, ive developed seperation anxiety for no reason, and lately i can filp personas at the drop of a hat and not even remember it happened unless I'm told. I just want to feel like the headstrong person i used to, and not this crumbling mess..
I feel like I have no time for anything, working hard for very little pay. I have developed anxiety and depression issues before but right now I think is worst because of my job innthe night shift i just broke up with my boyfriend left and move with another girl. I feel like im not worth any.
My bf broke up wid me in july. We stayed in touch. We met thrice after breakup. He got me bday gift as well. Last met on Nov 11. Three days he was talking so well..n then suddenly was like i dont want to talk wid u on ohn..u r disturbing my mind. I sensed he had feelings. Since Nov 19th..im on no contact. Its been 19 days. His not reaching out is making me sad. :(
I
I screwed up, broke my promises, broke his trust. I didn't cheat or anything. But I wasn't a good girlfriend. I took my anger out on him, never listened to his voice etc. He gave me many chances and forgave me many times
But he left. I begged him to come back one more time. Begged him for another chance.
He gave me another chance. But we're not together. We just talk everyday so he could see that I've changed or not.
It's one thing to hear your best friend, your home, say they don't love you anymore. It's another to see them prove it.
Yes cold, uninterested, and not participative in our conversation. It's been over a month and we've never fought. I can say that I've been more understanding and rational with my thinking. But I can tell that hasn't changed anything on his side. And I don't know if it's because he's just really not there anymore.
I'd like to think he gave me a chance because he still wants to be here for the chance. But he said he wouldn't think that way if he were me.
I've been dying everyday since he said he doesn't love me anymore. And he said he doesn't see that changing.
Feeling trapped. I've been trying to go back to college for years, ever since I dropped out after 3 semesters. I had finally started back part-time, when I lost my job late last year. In addition to not being able to afford school, I can't afford to pay rent. I have a daughter, her mother and I do not get along. Recently, she put her hands on me, then told the cops that I hit her. She filed a PFA order, and now she wants to drag me through this legal battle out of spite. She lies and manipulates people, but now she wants it on paper that I'm the bad guy, just for attention and sympathy. I am trying to join the military, which I cannot do if the PFA is granted. Everyone who knows me knows I am trying to do the right thing, for myself and for my daughter. I am scared that I will lose this court case, and be stuck working the same low-level jobs and not going anywhere. I don't know if I can keep going on the way that I am.
I'm feeling sad today because my family don't want to understand that I can't just snap out of it. I am terribly sad that my sister said I am selfish and that I am such a burden to them. Said I should help my mom getting money. I am trying. I tried so hard but they just don't see it. They refuse to see it. It is not easy getting out of bed and meet people when there are so many bad things going on in my mind. I can't help it. But I'm sad they can't see it. I am trying really hard to hide it from my friends but my sister went behind my back, tell them stories about how I'm being depressed when I was never diagnosed with it. Maybe I am depressed but what's the point telling other people when even my family don't want to believe me? Even my family think I am just putting on an act? How can you trust other people than your own family? How does telling other people helps me? I would understand if she said that to a therapist but no. There is no help. There is only judgment.
@fadzreena
I understand your frustrations here. My family hasnt been very supportive, even a little neglectful because they always have had their hands full with my brother. I have learned to accept its because they too are struggling with their own problems and emotions. It still hurts, especially when they do things that not only show a lack of support but almost make me feel they are crab bucketing trying to pull me down. I was a long time smoker and fought really hard to quit despite the fact they never got my brother to stop smoking in his room- its awful to quit and still get the effects of second hand all the time. They even would leave my old cigarette coupons that came in the mail out on the counter to see if they would cease to exist and if I had succumb. Their doubt only pushed me into perseverance, it disconnected me from trusting them, but hey one step at a time! I try to help them face their issues but I have to take care of myself first or else I will only fall into frustration with them which wont help any one. You have to trust that they just arent able to understand not because they dont want to but because they are trying so hard to understand the things theyve been faced with in life. If you feel enough trust with them try reaching out to hear how they are struggling sometimes they just need support too! This could help you understand where theyre at and even more deeply about yourself. Be sure to be supportive.
@fadzreena. I understand how you feel and its important you take care of you first. Hey you know what sometimes you have to think about yourself. Worry about you first :)
Here goes nothing!
I've recently (In October 2017) moved from a country where I spent the first 15 years of my life, to a country that I despised since the start. You see I'm an IGCSE student and in the previous country, the last classes I studied were grade 8 and Half of grade 9 (I was 14 at the time). Why half of grade 9 you ask, cause there was some problem in the school I was studying in and therefore the other half of my grade 9 was completed by homeschooling and preparing for my finals (The official IGCSE exams). If you're an IGCSE student then you might be well aware that these exams are given after completing the entire grade 10 (At the age of 16) but well...I gave it after 9.5. But well that's just the start.
At first I was hesitant because I never considered myself as a high academic achiever, but through the courage my parents gave me, I somehow managed to give English, Chemistry and Physics exams on May/June 2017 (I left school in January 2017). And by the grace of almighty god managed to get 2 A's and 1 A*. And then as I was told that only the basic 5 subjects are required to get admission in A'Levels (Probably college in your case). So the other two exams that were left to give were Computer and Math which were also prepared through homeschooling. I gave these two in Oct/Nov 2017 (Both on the same day on 25th October,11 days after I moved to the new country) and am expecting the results by Mid-January.
If you're still reading this, I love you <3. I honestly love you and I guarantee you, you're better than 75% population of earth :D
So here comes the thing that's the main cause of my anxiety and stress...You see I've always been that kind of person who gives "to the point" answers to questions. And that's why the theoretical subjects have always been a pain in the ass for me. So yes while my parents were encouraging me (in 2017's January) to give exams as a private candidate, they assured me that the only exams I'll have to give will be the 4 sciences and English and there will be no theoretical subjects. And that's why I sort of agreed.
But after coming to this hell of a country I've come to know that the theoretical subjects (History, Geography, and 2 others subs that I don't want to mention)'s exams are obligatory for admission in University here. (The only good thing is that 50% universities have this policy) and (The bad thing is that they include the ones I want to get admssion in)
I know I might be sounding pathetic right now, but in the previous country, I was residing in had Profesional tutors whereas here there are none.
My mum used to be good at the theoretical subjects during her school life plus everybody here says that they (the subjects) are easier than the science subjects (that I find easier). And they over-estimate me and under-estimate the subjects. I've fucking never studied these subjects in my previous classes because there was the choice between computer or history and geography and I chose computer.
Now don't get me wrong nobody including my mom shows the over or under estimation by showering me with scornful remarks. Instead they are motivative sentences. She says she knows that I can do it. BUT I JUST CAN'T
I fucking miss my old country (From where I moved abruptly, We didn't know we were moving until 1 month before the flight). I fucking have 6 younger sibling who leave no room alone for me to ball my eyes out in. I am at home and have to self-study (Which I haven't even started), Consequently, I don't have any....you can say..physical friends haha I mean I've gazillions of internet friends but I don't have any friend or fucking cousin or a mentally mature sister who I can rant my feelings out to.I want a night to myself where nobody interrupts me and I'm left alone to cry or do whatever I want. I just....I'm just frustrated. I'm pathetic
I'm sad because I'm not unique in any way,just average.And I don't have anyone to talk to.
I'm sad because I'm not unique in any way,just average.And I don't have anyone to talk to.
