One thing I am feeling sad about today is....{share here}

I feel (as usual)...well...I feel the world would be better off without me.

I have always have dark thoughts that wont go away no matter what i do,

I know they arent true and im probably just being delysional but these thoughts aren't easy to ignore and sometime i lost to it and have a breakdown.

I have tried lots of things to reduce this episodes but they will alwats linger to the point its getting hard to do daily tasks.

Here are some stuffs i have tried:

-meditation

-distractions such as watching funny youtube videos

-drawing

-hanging out with friends more often

-sleeping, i have trouble sleeping and had once have addiction in sleeping meds. Im not anymore now and is trying to fix my sleeping schedule.

- drinking a lot of water.

And the last thing im trying is excercises since at first i was against it since im way too unfit and tired to do that. But now ive started doing little excercises like wall push ups and such... nothing much..just baby steps.

I know its a work in progress but i could have a break down in a middle of watching a funny youtube video, mid laughing and then crying like a maniac.

Its scares me.

And now im here.

Yet again trying something new and see if it helps me in any way.

That time seems to be slipping from between my fingers and no matter how hard I try to tightly shut them, it still manages to seep away.

I'm a person of memories and Nostalgia. No matter how much I would like to let go of memories I just can't seem to forget them. ( I have a partial photographic memory, I can even tell you color of the cloths. Or The way the light danced on someone's skin.)

There are moments in my life when an overwhelming wave of Nostalgia hits me, the good part is I've learned to recall the good moments now but the sadness seeps in when my mind realizes all that time is lost and gone.

I know. I am being ungrateful to my present because one day, this will also be a good time I lost. The thought of my son being so small that he loved me unconditionally will seem like a lost memory once I see his arms around another woman who he'll call his world. It'll be sad but it'll also be beautiful. This is how life works and it is how it will be. Just cherish the time you have. Cherish the loved ones you have. Cherish your own self too. Because God knows how admiringly I look at my old selfies and wonder how amazing I was. But perhaps I still. Am amazing to my future self and perhaps my future self would be even more Amazing.

Acknowledge sadness, it's beautiful, it makes you realize the good times you were blind to.

Love and hugs to anyone feeling down, You're amazing, you're beautiful.

Realizing that I'm dragging down more ppl than I expected

I was really scared and a lot of ppl wanted to help but I didn't have the best reaction because I didn't want anyone to know and I'm regretting saying anything at all

Feeling like I have been passed over and can

That I might have to move again cause the people I live with suck 😑

Being sad is so exhausting. I wanna quit.

P.s. Most optimistic thought I've had all week.

So my family and I recently moved to the United States from the Caribbean it's been about 2 weeks I finally got a job and now we have to move from this state to another and I have to redo the whole job hunting thing all over again and I have a child back home to take care of.

Not having any motivation and not knowing why

I feel sad because my mum is gone.. I miss her so much. When I'm happy for a short peroid of time, I feel horrible for feeling happy. :(