One thing I am feeling sad about today is....{share here}
That no one is really ever happy
I'm too sick to visit my lover and help out at home. I have to get sick just for a nonguilty rest!
That I have lived my life in a compromised state to long never loving nor being loved. Giving my all to please and yet never finding it to be enough. Trusting but not trusted. Faithful yet faithlitess.
Lack of being true to who I am by allowing others to dictate what I should be. Always smiling yet dieing inside. Leaning on those that I trusted only to be Betrayed. So I clamed up bottled it up and put a cork to seal it. I thought I threw it out to sea to remember no more only the bottle came back unsealed to haunt and torrment my soul once again. I am sad because now I am old and this bottle has attached it's self to me as a reminder of a Compermised
Having angered someone that I care for very deeply that they probably will never talk to me again. 😢
Being alone.
I'm a thirtysomething demisexual with PTSD. I'm mostly estranged from my (abusive) family, and my friends are all pairing off, marrying and moving into life stages that are closed to me. I'm spending more and more time alone, and I know that isolation will probably define the rest of my life.
According to people I love and trust, I'm intelligent, witty, passionate, brave and kind. Yet the only people who've ever expressed interest in sharing their lives with me have been either sexual predators or people with low self-esteem who were punishing themselves by "settling" for me. Both categories of people saw me as a thing--an object to be controlled, or to give them the misery they thought they deserved. I wouldn't settle for that, so I've ended up alone.
Apparently I'm a great person to have as a friend, a strong shoulder to cry on, a gifted artist, a loving auntie for your children. But as a partner, I'm just not very appealing to anyone but sadists and masochists. And I stubbornly insist on having someone who loves me for who I am, or nobody. And that means nobody.
I know it's not fixable. I can't make anyone love me like I want. I could be the most amazing woman in the world, and it still wouldn't matter because I'm not conventionally beautiful and I'm slow to experience sexual attraction. Nobody I love will ever love me back, not like that. They'll always have better, easier options. I'm just one of those people who won't get chosen.
But tell that to the ache in my chest. I've been trying for months to accept that I'm unlovable for some reason nobody can explain. Instead, I just get upset over and over again that I won't ever have anyone to spend my birthday with, or lean on when I'm exhausted, or hold when they're crying. I'll spend my life on the outside looking in, and the rage at the unfairness and the grief at the loss punch me in the stomach over and over.
I know I have only two choices in life: being alone and being a thing. I know I made the right choice. But I'm still sad that that choice had to be the right one.
@OnBearFeet I feel the same way if it helps.. I am a demisexual as well.. and I can't be in a relationship where the other one is only looking forward to having secual intercourse with me.. I just don't see that as such a big thing..
I do understand you.. and you're not alone! You won't ever be! You'll meet the one who knows how hard you have it and they will take away all the thoughts you have about being lonely!
Even if they might not be in the form of your lover they might come in the form of a friend!
Don't lose hope! <3
@UnaccompaniedOwl396
Why
@UnaccompaniedOwl396
Sorry. Typo.
Why?
I know that sounds petulant, and I don't mean it like that. But seriously, why? I get answers like this a lot, and I never understand them.
I don't often talk about how lonely I feel, or how I expect that I'll spend my life mostly alone. But when I do talk about it, someone always tells me that someday I'll meet someone different, someone who'll genuinely care about me and want to be an integral part of my life. And when I ask why they think that, they mutter something about what a great person I am and how somebody will see that someday.
But WHY does everyone think someone will see it? Do they even really believe it, or are they just saying what they think I want to hear? (It's not what I want to hear. It sounds nonsensical.) Does everyone else somehow believe there's a special somebody for each person in the world? I'm not saying there isn't, but why do people think that? Was I home sick from school the day they taught us about soulmates? Is this something everybody else learned when I was out of the room? What am I missing?
I'm in my fourth decade of life. Nobody's really looked twice at me unless they were ogling my artistic talent or looking for a victim. Why should I tell myself that will change? What evidence am I not seeing?
Why does everyone seem to think I'm NOT just one of those people who never gets picked for the softball team of life? And if I am one of those people, why shouldn't I try to accept it? Isn't that healthier than pretending someone will love me when they won't?
I legitimately don't understand, so please tell me if you can: why?
i hate my life i cant feel any enjoyment im decaying im suffering i cannot even channel my passion for writing im stuck i will be alone forever will never accede to the joy of love my life is fucking empty worthless i have no direction o Jesus help me i need a miracle i am critically braindamaged paralyzed in this mire of depression sinking quicksand struggling to breathe air is toxic shallow suffocating nothing good going on im trapped this is prison hell hell is murky out damned spot smother me out of existence let me disappear into the infinite black let the heart that will never be loved stop pulsing throbbing with this twisted disease of agony
@dpecheur10 if your writing is nearly descriptive as this post I'm very impressed. You have a talent in you.
@Janal I agree!
@Puppylove049 thank you :-) means so much!
@Janal thank you for your compliment that made my day :-)
@dpecheur10 I hope you find peace today. I swear your words have come from my heart at one time or another in my life. Hold on through the darkest days, they don't last. I'm not saying they go away, but the deep, agonizing pain that makes us question the point of even trying to make it through one more day doesn't last. Just hang on!
@Puppylove049 thank you for your kindness, encouragment and compassion
I am not able to live the social life and love life I want, because I fear unworthy of love
@mral9313 Why do you think you are unworthy of love?
@mral9313 you should never feel unworthy because you will always be important to someone else. You should go to the mirror and tell yourself what best equality that you have.
@mral9313 you definitely worthy love, accepting and kindness. I'm telling you. Just the way you are.
I feel worthless, useless and hopeless. I feel like I am screaming for help inside but no one notices, I'm invisible.
Hi @Janal, I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and I am really sorry you feel this way. Please let me know if you need someone to talk to.
@Janal Hi. Well I noticed you. It's something right? =)
@Janal Hello. I am really sorry you are feeling those emotions. Please feel free to reach out at any time. We are here to support you. Sending postive thoughts your way <3
I heard it said it said IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST RATHER THAN TO NERVER HAVE LOVED AT ALL'.
I Have Never been shown love, and I don't know how to give love. So I can't miss what I never had. I always have wondered what True Love feels like. I was no bodys child.
Today I'm feeling bad, having pain. Feel weak, vulnerable and want to cry a little but there is nobody here who would give me a compassionate hug. My Mom would do it via Skype, but I feel I really need a person next to me in real life. I'm alone and this fact makes me really sad now.
@PennyUA You're never alone Penny! You have everyone here on 7cups, member and listener alike! We will always be here to give you virtual hugs and support you 
Thank you @Georgia, for this. I feel the support.
